Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Puking Advice

So what did you think when you saw that title in your google reader? Huh?

Since I brought everyone down yesterday I thought I would lighten things up a bit. One of my friends is newly pregnant (and no, that's not a clever way of saying it's me) and I thought in her  honor I would list the top five worst things to puke. I am a certified expert in this area. With Emma, I was a five-time-a-day Olympic champ. Hey, somebody just found their talent!!!

1. Peanut Butter. It's not that it tastes so bad on it's way up, it's just that it gets stuck in your throat. So not only are you throwing up, but your choking at the same time. Bonus!

2. French-cut green beans. Like corn, they never go away. Puke these up and you will be picking these little critters out of every nook and cranny in your bathroom for days. Or your significant other, anyway. Love ya, Gary!

3. Tomato Soup. Once when I was a teen I had a nasty stomach bug. I lay down on my back when I had to throw up because I was sure that I couldn't throw up when I was lying down. Let me assure you in case you had any doubts, what comes up must come down. It was ugly. And now you know why I went straight to community college after high school.

4. Taco Bell. Is any explanation needed for that one?

5. Expensive dinners. Pregnant with Emma, I naively went to an expensive seafood dinner. If the puking itself wasn't bad enough, literally flushing $30 down the toilet doesn't feel much better either.

Care to add? Or are you just hastily clicking to another site, any site at all will do, just to get this out of your brain?

Guess what!!! The Jolly Porter is back! Hooray!


  1. Ok I am now done snorting my OJ laughing while reading this! Ooo I sooo needed this giggle this morning! NOT that I am laughing at your bodily functions catastrophes... well...ok yes I am -sorry but i appreciated your advice!! & thanks for the update on The Jolly Porter... my favorite? his singing! LOVED IT!

  2. How about a where not a what?
    Skydiving. Yep, that's right. You would think that your body would be so consumed with the idea that it was falling from the sky that it wouldn't be able to muster up the energy to vomit. Well, you'd be wrong. Granted, I wasn't free-falling when it happened - the chute was open - but to add to the horror, I was strapped to a very nice young man. He was very kind as the back of my body heaved into his as I hurrled. It was a very intimate moment.


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