Monday, March 14, 2011

Please do not play that "I Had A Bad Day" song. I just got it out of my head.

So I'm having a rough day. Actually, I think I am struggling a bit right now in general. I think I am having a moment where I am trying to figure out where I am going next in life, and what I want out of it. I am a little unhappy--not in a huge or disturbing way. Not in a way that anyone can change or it's anyone's fault. I just find myself looking out the window and feel like there is something I'm supposed to be doing, and I can't figure out what it is. I ask myself, "What is it I want? If I could do anything in the world right now, what would it be?" And I can't quite figure it out. It's like I have pieces of it, but I can't put it together. I feel this sensation of having something on the tip of my tongue; a fabulous word or thought and I can't quite get it. So I am just waiting, because I really think it will come to me. One day I'll be standing in the grocery store, or washing my hair, and BAM! It will come to me. I hope soon.

I just feel a little morose. But I am only giving myself a few days to wallow around in self-pity, and then I will order myself to snap out of it. After all, it's not like my house was destroyed in a tsunami or earthquake. Or like I am looking for lost relatives. I do have perspective.

When my girls cry with heartache, when they hurt, I crawl into bed with them and whisper into their ears all the things I love about them, tell them they are beautiful, that they have a divine purpose and how amazing they are. I stroke their hair and wipe away tears. And I guess that's one of the crappy things about being an adult. Although you do get to drive and eat dessert first and be done with school, no one crawls into your bed and holds your hand and strokes your hair and tells you that you are beautiful and amazing. And I wish I weren't too old for that.

Okay, I know that was over-the-top pathetic and cheesebally and you are gagging your last meal. That's how sad and pathetic my self-pity is today. I do want to say I am not writing this because I need you to write a comment to make me feel better. But I do want to know that sometimes other people feel this same way. That I am not completely ridiculous.

I really am okay. I am just having a rough week. But this made me majorly smile so you have to watch it:


  1. I know what it is, you need to have another baby!!! (Totally teasing) I realize I don't know you well enough to joke about that but hopefully you thought that was funny.

    I 100% know how you feel. I recently was feeling that way too and it was kind of making me feel down. Then, I had to give a lesson in young women's on "Our Purpose in Life." Hah! I kind of thought that was ironic.

    Anyway, I'm sure you will figure it out. Maybe that mystery thing you should be doing is something you are already doing but you don't realize it? Tricky, tricky.

  2. Maybe it is the universal alignment because that is how I have been feeling, plus a little under the weather. But I feel like I should be doing something, extraordinary of course, but I don't know what. I have been wallowing in a little self-pity myself. So, you are definitely not alone in those feelings. I also know how blessed I am, but it is still hard to shake those feelings when they come.

  3. Hmmm read my post from today. I hear you. I just wrote it and came looking at yours after. I do understand Amy and wish I could make you feel better. You are not alone. And although I cannot crawl in to your bed (that'd be kinda weird hahaha) to fix things. Know I am with you.
    Hey - maybe you & I need to start a knuckle-knocking duo up! You could be the brains... and I could knock awayyyyy.... ;) xoxoxox to you Amy.


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