I've been reading Tina Fey's new book Bossypants. I'm only on the first few chapters, but the last thing I read is her experience with the nice little "My First Period" kit (sponsored by Modess) sent home from school. I TOTALLY forgot about that! I got one of those as well!! You know, "Growing Up and Liking It" and other complete crap like that. It was this whole "you can have your period and still be sassy!" thing. Seem archaic? Well guess what? They're still doing that (2011 style)!
Emma had the dreaded puberty class yesterday. She came home telling me she was scarred for life (did I mention that drama is part of the early sign of puberty?) Apparently now the puberty class is all high-tech and stuff. They had this computer generated movie of a girl and got to watch her body change before their very eyes. Emma said they were like, "Oh......OH NO!"
They were kind enough to send her home with her own little My First Period kit (sponsored by Always). The big words on the front of the girls' guide say, "IT'S A HAPPY THING!" (Emma rolled her eyes at this--another mark of womanhood to come). Then the booklet proceeded to tell about oily skin and zits. Uh, I know they want to be all I-am-woman-hear-me-roar-and-everything, but even they are having trouble making it sound exciting. My favorite part is when they say "Put an explanation mark after your period!"
Sidebar: (and Charlene you will remember this one!) I totally forgot until today that I did a monologue in college on this pre-teen who gets her period! I know, I know it's sounds...horrific...but it was actually totally funny. I think she calls 911 or something like that.
Anyway since I am trying to be a Cool Modern Mother and dialogue with my daughter about the Birds and the Bees and Puberty and all those totally exciting and fabulous changes of life, I have to smile and say things through my clenched teeth like, "It's not gross honey, it's exciting!" or "Stop making me feel like a freak because my body looks like computer-generated-girl (with a few extra pounds)."
This also makes me wonder why I don't get any positive little kits now. You know, like a "My First Change of Life" kit or something? I guess there's no way to spin the positives of growing hair on your face or your boobs hanging around your knees like water balloons, or gray straggly hairs. And who would sponsor the kit? Depends? Would the cover of my booklet say, "Estrogen! It's not your friend anymore!" Oh well.
The only time Emma seemed happy was when she asked me when I got my period and I told her I was practically in my twenties. Okay, I'm being dramatic, but let's just say I was in the Better-Late-Than-Never club. I've been in that club when it comes to most things in my life.
Well now that I'm done complaining I'm off to eat my fritatta. Seriously, we had Book Club last night and I made my first fritatta ever and it was AWESOME. I have just enough left for breakfast this morning. It's a happy thing!