Worry

Well, I did enjoy my New Year festivities. We started at a dinner with a few of our friends we've met over the years in our little town. We all have small children, and have many common interests. Gretchen owns an art center, and so we all met there for dinner in dimmed lighting and dressed all fancy and stuff. We banned the children to another room for an hour so we could have quiet time (and trust me, they were loving the set-up). I looked across the table and thought how lucky I was to have randomly met these people. How lucky I was to have their children in my children's lives. When I walked in the room they told me I was beautiful, and noticed I'd lost weight, and noticed my hair was different. Yes, it's shallow that I've latched onto these things, but face it, it's usually just me and the kids, so it's nice to have some one genuinely notice something about you. We compared notes of where we were in 2000. Some in Italy, some in South Africa, some in different parts of the U.S., all of the women either pregnant with our first or newly with child. How far we've all come. We raised our glasses, theirs with fine wine and G and I with our yummy mix of Fresca and cranberry juice (it was good, really!) and toasted each other, recognizing the bridge between the past decade and the next coming.

I spoke with my mom about the past decade. It was wonderful in many ways, hard in others. We lost four people in our family (three to cancer.) This was our first Christmas without my Grandmother sitting there. My last grandparent alive. And my mother was diagnosed with cancer three times. My dad lost his job. But such is life, and it goes on. So we try to focus on the positive.

So anyway, as I sit here, apparently the new year brings a wave of anxiety for me. I am thinking that in this decade my oldest will grow up and leave me, my second right behind. And then I worry about our family size? Are we done? I think probably, but then I worry.

And I am having a lot of difficulty with someone I work with at church. I consider myself a rational reasonable person, but I don't know how to communicate with the person. I don't know how to make this situation better, and instead of facing it, I am worrying, my tummy in knots.

At least I have a new book to read. What better way to bring in the new year?
Happy New Year to you all, my dear friends. I wish you much peace and happiness.