My Most Embarrassing Motherhood Moment.

Oh, where to begin? So.....my cousin issued this challenge. It goes like this:
I'm going to share an embarrassing mom story, eek. And if you read it, you have to share as well. Just leave a link to your blog in the comments and we'll all come over and read your humiliating story. Doesn't that sound fun? I know, like we don't have laundry to wash, floors to scrub, dishwashers to load, toilets to disinfect.. But, it will kind-a be like a group of friends sitting around sharing funny stories, just make sure to do your chores in between checking posts :)

REMEMBER, if you read this you HAVE to share!!!

So, unfortunately for you, all of mine involve bodily functions.

1. Once when we were eating at Cracker Barrel, Emma was four years old, and she had to go to the bathroom. Now Cracker Barrel is a pretty good place to eat when you're on the road. Better than fast food, and my kids love the chocolate chip pancakes. But the downside to it being a good place to eat during a road trip, is the unfortunate side effect that it's a good place to use the bathroom when you have "road trip issues." You know what I'm sayin'. You or I would politely smirk but say nothing if we found ourselves in the next stall to a noisy stallmate. But this time Emma was there.

She and I were sharing a stall and doing what needed to be done. She went first, then me. As I was takin' care of biz the poor woman next to me began a series of...explosions.
Emma, in her VERY LOUD four year-old-voice said,
"Oh, Mommy, that lady tootied REALLY LOUD!"
Me, quietly, "I know Emma, SSSHHHHH."
"Why do I have to be quiet, Mommy?"
"Emma, I'll talk about it with you later."
FLAAAARRRTTIIEE. (I'm a proper Southern Belle so I won't say 'fart.')
"Wow, that's one big tootie!"
"Emma! SSSSHHHH!"
"Mommy, can I open the door?"
"No, honey I'm still not ready..." (but pulling up my drawers fast)
"You don't want anyone to see your bottom?"
"No, not really."
Then, as fast as I could, before Tootie Lady left the stall I whisked us out of there, washing our hands with world record speed and got to our table before there was any possibility of uncomfortable eye contact.

2. When I had Jack, I had to have a c-section. After he was born they spent a good chunk of time sewing me up, and I spent a good chunk of time trying to calm my anxiety and not throw up, so I was a little distracted. At the end, the apparently pushed down or something in order to push the air out of my belly. So basically, I am lying there with a sheet in front of my face, staring at the ceiling, and I hear, the biggest, longest, most horrible, crap-a-rific gas burst ever. And it was long. And loud. Like you zurburted (sp?) a baby's tummy. Except Jack was being cleaned up in the nursery so it sure wasn't him. So it dawned on me, slowly, and with ever-growing horror that IT. WAS. ME. They were totally professional, and I totally wanted to crawl under the table. And stay there for a very long time.

3. When I was in my last trimester I was huge. REALLY huge. And I am short so that made it worse. Anyway, Laura was four and in preschool and she was fascinated with my big belly. She asks, "Why do you have such a big tummy mommy?" I said, cause I have baby in there, baby!" She looks over at a rather large woman standing next to us and says, "She has a baby in her tummy, too, then!" I thought I was going to die. She also later said that my Dad must have a baby in his tummy, but he was much more forgiving.

There's another one that involves a friend's party and goulash and a stopped up toilet, but I didn't have kids yet so I guess that one doesn't count.
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Just to make this post even longer, here's my sister's story:

Two of the funniest circumstances I can think of with your kids was 1) when I was holding Laura and she said stated very matter-of-factly "you have boobies." I replied, "yes, yes I do." She said "you have boobies just like daddy has boobies," to which I said "your daddy doesn't have boobies." I was trying to keep a straight face for Gary's sake. Laura, with more laughter than was probably necessary to crush Gary's manliness in a single instant replied, "oh, yes he does!"

2) You were pregnant with Jack and I was babysitting the girls. Emma asked me if she had to have children. Fearing that she had heard something from classmates at school regarding how babies get in mommies' tummies and that I was going to be asked to have a sex talk in your absence (which I would not have done, by the way), I cautiously told her that she did not have to have children, most definitely not anytime soon, and that she did not have to make that decision until she was an adult, so it wouldn't be for many years. She was very relieved and said "oh, good. It hurts." Unsure of how much she knew about childbirth and not sure where to go from that point in the conversation (it's my understanding that when you have children, you get a book of wisdom that tells you what you're supposed to say to children...), she fortunately continued on and said "they have to cut you open and everything." Relieved that she was only talking about the fact that you were going to have a c-section and that you had obviously explained some details to her, we were able to close the conversation with her relief that she would not have to decide on having children until she was an adult.

Another story that's kind of funny was when Mike and I took Laura to Crackerbarrel. She had to use the restroom, so I dutifully went into the stall with her and laid toiletpaper down on the seat before sitting her down. Laura had apparently learned that she could control her stream of urine, and so this is what it sounded like: "ssssssss." Silence. "ssssssss." Silence. "sssssss." Silence. She was very pleased with herself, and I finally had to ruin her trick by telling her to potty all at once and to stop stopping her potty. The lady in the stall next to me burst out in laughter. She apologized, saying she could remember going through that with her son when he was little. Apparently, Laura is as talented as any boy.
from me: So what is it with Cracker Barrel and bathrooms??)

So, post your comment below with your link to your embarrassing story. Let's hear it. I showed mine, you show yours.