Mormon Girl in the Bible Belt

I voted!

2012-01-31T21:59:00.000-05:00

Today was voting day in Florida for Republicans. This means that for the past month it's been non-stop commercials, sign-waving, and robo-calls. Hoping we will get a break from it for a few months? Doesn't it seem like it's always election season? Well, at least we can vote, right?!

My kids were really mad that we voted without them. We usually ride our bikes up to the polling place and my kids watch while we MAKE OUR VOICE HEARD. We only took Jack this time and he monkeyed around while we did our election thing.

Also, I hope my friend Marissa doesn't mind, but I am totally going to post this link to my friend Marissa's blog. She went to his rally in Orlando and said the funniest thing when she found herself meeting him.

Speaking of rallies, Mitt had one right around the corner from us, so Emma and I went over there in the afternoon to walk to the edge of the crowd and check it out. It was fun! It's a little boring honestly, because you've already heard him say all that stuff, but watching all the people, checking out the cool security detail and feeling excitement in the air is a fun thing. Emma and I were over by the bus with my friend Mandy and he sort of walked past us enveloped in security people. I think I saw a hand go up and wave. More funny was watching the news people tape their segments. Brett Baier was right next to us and talk about perfect hair...these guys don't have a hair out of place. He had all that TV make-up on, which is A LOT, trust me. It was kind of like Norma Desmond, you know? He was very nice to everyone afterward which was nice because there's nothing worse than seeing a celebrity in real life and they're a jerk (Chevy Chase in my experience).

And that's your Florida politics update. Amy out.

Here's your Christmas (New Year's?) card!!!

2012-01-09T21:23:00.001-05:00

So, I sort of didn't get my Christmas cards out this year. Boo. I was really frustrated about it until I remembered my New Year's Rez: stop beating the crap out of myself. And I worked so hard to get a picture with my whole family in it because I hate when I haven't seen friends for years and all I get is a picture of their kids for ten years. No offense, your children are lovely, but I want to see if you are aging any better than I am, know what I'm saying? Just kidding. Sort of.

So here is a picture of our family for you, at the end of 2011. I never anticipated that the more family members you have, the harder it is to get everyone to look nice in one picture. Just having everyone actually look at the camera at the same time is a victory. No wonder people don't have ten kids anymore.

Also, I feel great frustration with the fact that because I am leaning in so far it looks like my rear extends from the pillow to Emma's side. Oh, picture remorse, you're so painful. The irony here is that I was born completely minus any sort of rump at all. Go ahead, click on the picture to make it bigger and you'll see what I mean.

Apologies to Laura since it looks like she's on the outside of the family love embrace. I feel kind of bad except the reality is the "family love embrace" is pretty much Gary and I trying to wrangle Jack to hold still and be presentable for thirty seconds. So there you go. I put my new Florida pillow on the side, which looks a little weird, but SOMETHING had to balance out poor Laura who is on the outskirts of the family.

Hope you had a lovely holiday!

Happy New Year!!

2012-01-02T20:45:00.000-05:00

We are back at home from our trip to North Carolina. We had a lovely, cozy time. Now the Christmas decorations are almost all put away and I have decided on my New Year's Resolutions. Here they are, all ready for 2012:

1. Be kinder to myself. Be my own cheerleader.
2. Choose to be happy each day.
3. Improve my self-discipline.
4. Keep only things that I love or we truly use. I have been doing a great job of clearing out clutter and I want to keep going.
5. Travel someplace fabulous. (Depending on the budget this could be 45 minutes away.) ;)

I wonder if other people still do New Year's Resolutions? I try to make ones that I can keep. No diet resolutions, because I don't want to diet all year. But I do try to eat well and in small quantities. Especially after this holiday!!

Dennis Prager gave some great ideas on his show today. One was to read the Bible each night. If you don't do the Bible, read Shakespeare or a great work. If you don't want to read, then view some amazing art each night which is easy to find online. He also gave some ideas on learning a language or a hobby by devoting 15 minutes a day to it.

Well, speaking of self-discipline I have to put the three amigos to bed. Jack is running around yelling "DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LATER!" while listening to Aerosmith. Good night and good luck in your new year!

On the road...

2011-12-26T17:03:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas all! Had a great holiday and we are now heading to North Carolina for a week in the mountains. Thanks go to my grandparents who saved every penny in the 60s to build a tiny little cabin. I miss them. Anyway, we are halfway through a ten hour drive. Thank goodness for electronics. My kids are quiet in the backseat thanks to that. When I was a kid making this trip we used to eat and make up songs about underwear and fight and drive my parents crazy. And then we walked uphill through the snow to school. Have a great break!

Well, you heard it here.

2011-12-19T15:47:00.001-05:00

Jack's Sunday Routine

2011-12-13T12:56:00.002-05:00

Jack's post-church routine:

Car drives in garage.
Mom says "Run inside and use the potty."
Jack runs to the side yard.
Jack drops drawers and lets it rip.
Mom comes around the corner and screams.
Rinse and repeat.

Late Night Thoughts

2011-12-10T00:00:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks have flown by for me. Have they for you? I keep trying to hold on to little moments that occur, to ponder and savor them, but I feel like day to day routines keep getting in the way.

I am working during the mornings now; I love it and I hate it. But I could say that about just about anything in my life, probably.

Tonight I read a music update that Fiona Apple is putting another album out this spring. I am super excited about this, I really love her music and had been wondering where she had disappeared to.

Many of you who know me know that I have suffered from depression in the past. Some bouts were so discouraging and disheartening. I felt like I was living life in a fetal position. Anyway, her first album came out around the first time I ever experienced it, and for me my personal anthem of depression if you will is Fiona Apple's "Never is a Promise." To me it sums up what it feels like to try to convey to someone who loves you the futility of trying to explain it. The last verse to me is always the most painful.

I am doing much better now, I am learning to really listen to my body and soul and give it what it needs. That sounds really vague, but it's actually not. I've learned a lot on this journey and tried to help others on the way. Happiness is a gift, but often something you have to choose. Little known fact: I actually have another blog where I write only about depression, but it is marked as private 99% of the time.

I think the video of her song is a little lame, so here's one of her live performances.

Here's a really good one too:

The Apocalypse Is At My House

2011-11-22T20:00:00.001-05:00

Last Thursday I was at work when I got the dreaded school phone call that I needed to pick up my daughter. "Crap," I think, "is it the throw-ups? Fever? Worse? Both? Will it ruin my weekend--I mean, is my precious child okay?"

That is when the nurse paused for a moment. Lice.

I had to do the drive of shame over to the school and pick Laura up, itching itching away. Fabulous.

Just so you know, those $20 poison shampoo treatments with the useless lice combs don't work. Just go ahead and flush your money down the toilet cause it's the same thing. How do I know this? I faithfully treated her hair just like the directions prescribed, only to look down and realize that it did. not. kill. one. louse. Nope, not one. In fact, I am pretty sure I saw them laughing at me, and I think I heard one say, "do it again! That felt good!"

So after that I sat on a stool with Laura on one in front of me, and I painstakingly looked through every piece of hair on her head to pick the nits out. When I killed the first one between my fingers I screamed, but after that I became numb as a lice serial killer. Nerd Alert: I had a hiking lamp on my forehead to help me see while I picked. So while it worked splendidly, I did notice my family members giggling as they walked by.

Also, while I was picking through Laura's hair some moths flew in through the door and circled around our heads which caused me to yell, "What, is the apocalypse in my house or something?"

I am now an official lice expert. We were also able to trace patient zero back to the school bus, so remind your little darlings not to put their heads next to anyone else on the bus.

Well, I have to go. Call me if you need help picking your kids hair. I've got mad lice skills.

How could a face like this be harboring such scariness?

Halloween 2011 (just in time for Thanksgiving)

2011-11-21T22:46:00.000-05:00

Positives: free candy and the kick butt costume I made for jack.
Negative: this was the first year Emma ditched us for her friends. Stinkin' kid.

Before I begin, let me say that all my pictures are out of order. I uploaded them from my phone and Blogger won't let me move them. Sometimes I really hate Blogger.
One thing you need to know about us is that Halloween is easy peasy for me. Costumes are borrowed, recycled and usually whatever we find around the house. It is rare for me to spend much money on Halloween. This is the way I like it, much less stress for me.

Anyway, here we go.

*I also cannot seem to add any words to the bottom of this post. Sorry again and Blogger you suck and I hate you. That's the end of Halloween 2011! Check out our old Halloween posts!! See you next year!

Trick or Treating on Halloween night. We have a great neighborhood!


Jack hesitantly approaching a house with some scary decorations.

Actual Halloween Night Costumes. You've got Indiana Jones/cowgirl, Cosette from Les Mis, and our handy dandy iPhone.

One thing I failed to realize when making Jack's costume is how difficult it would be for him to walk as I didn't cut it high enough. So poor Gary ended up carrying him like this a lot of the night.

And this is why I have slipcovers. Jack's first piece of candy for the night.

Jack's costume #1. Curious George for his preschool party. The iPhone was still in development.

A graveyard cake my sister and her husband made for our annual Halloween night dinner.

The front of the costume. You will have to scroll down to see the back. Thanks, Blogger.

This is proof I am a better mom than you. Hahaha what a joke. This was Laura's lunch for school on Halloween day.

The back of his costume. I am seriously proud of this thing. Thanks Charlene for making some apps for me! The light makes it look a little weird here but it was awesome in real life. This is also the perfect costume for him: The kid could care less about Superman or the Cars movie, etc. He is obsessed with iPhones. Now if I were a REAL mom, I would have made my girls into Angry Birds. But we didn't get that far.

This is the night of the church Trunk or Treat. Emma is a bag of jelly beans.

I thought this was cute! It's a spork set. There is a knife somewhere in the parking lot, but she was missing for this pic.

Emma ready for school on Halloween day. I love the fact she still thinks it cool to get in the holiday spirit.

Cake pops that a mom made for Jack's Halloween party at school. They were UNBELIEVABLY good!!!

A cute gift one of the kids made for her classmates.


Emma's Halloween lunch. Sorry it's sideways!

Picture of the Day

2011-11-15T23:37:00.000-05:00

Have no fear, I will post my Halloween pictures soon, my dear!

(This picture is from our Halloween trip to Ft Wilderness in Disney. You would not believe the decorations that people put up there! This is someone's campsite! Fun, fun!)

p.s. is there someone out there who can make my blog not look like crap?? Thanks!

My Heart is a Kick Drum

2011-10-26T21:34:00.001-04:00

Just a quick video of Jack rocking out. He is at my friend Kymmie's house, singing a combination of "Shut Up and Let Me Go" by The Ting Tings and "Kick Drum Heart" by The Avett Brothers. Those are his two favorite songs. I think he would have kept going, but you can tell at the end he realizes someone is watching him.

Things are a bit crazy here, I am working every day at Jack's pre-school. I am also taking gluten tests this week as it appears that the cause of most of my troubles (my hives included, guess I can't blame those on Gary anymore!) is wheat. More on that later.

We are getting ready for Halloween here. I am hoping to scan some Halloween Past pictures. It's my favorite time. The kids are all getting ready. We don't really buy store bought or expensive costumes. We pretty much raid our house or friends' houses for ideas. As of today (and this is subject to change at any time), Emma is going to be a bag of jelly beans, Laura a cowgirl/Indiana Jones, and Jack is going to be Curious George for one party and an iPhone for the other. We'll see what I can pull off. I have big ideas but a tired body. Stinking gluten.

The weather is so great here!!! In the seventies right now, I love it.

Enjoy!

Things I am loving this week

2011-09-30T23:05:00.003-04:00

So the forecast this weekend is for my little corner of the globe to visit the 80s during the day and the 60s at night. I am so excited!! I am sure you in northern parts are shaking your head with pity at this pathetic display of fall. But for me it is fabulous!!

Yesterday at preschool they were hanging apples from the tree on the playground with string so the little ones could "pick apples." It was the cutest thing! In the meantime all the classrooms were cooking apples in the skillet with cinnamon and sugar and the smells emanating from the building were amazing! I had fall dancing in my head, although truly it did make me miss my Massachusetts days. I really would love to take my kids leaf-peeping and have them enjoy all the true fall New England milestones. Sigh.

In the meantime, yesterday I was at Target and saw the new Missoni line. I held each piece in my hands and coveted all of it. But really, even though I saw the sign that said, "This is a limited line and will not be replenished," I just couldn't pay the prices. We are trying to save up for a home and a trip here and there, and I just can't pay sixteen dollars for tights and thirty for a sweater for my daughter. The reality for us is that we have one of the best outlet malls on the planet down the road, full of great stores with clothing at a serious discount. So for me, the Missoni is lovely to look at, but for now will not be in my basket.

Tomorrow is Jack's birthday. I am, as always, stunned when their birthdays sneak up and surprise me. You would think I would be used to this by now, but apparently not. Three is a hard one for me because he is really leaving his babyhood behind and turning into A REAL BOY (sorry that was a Pinocchio moment there).

****

Tonight Gary and I bought some balloons and things for Jack's birthday. I really like to go all out for my kids birthdays and this year was no different; I spent twelve whole dollars at the dollar store. Tomorrow Gary will take him to the doughnut store for breakfast; it's a birthday tradition here since I don't let my kids have doughnuts in other time. I'm not a very fun mom when it comes to food.

Well, I am off to bed. I hope you all have a great weekend! And hurray for General Conference weekend!

Last Days of Two

2011-09-26T17:53:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, my little Jack turns three. Unbelievable, no?! Days fly by, days fly by. Today as he sat next to me on my bed I cradled his little fat baby feet and wondered how long before they would turn into big, smelly boy feet.

The girls and I were going through the videos online and found one shot when Jack was almost two. He did not talk for the longest time, and then one day he began walking around the house going MAAA MA! MAAAAA MA! He would wake up hollering it, and go to sleep muttering it. Then the dam broke, and the boy who wouldn't talk at all has never stopped. If you know Jack, you know what I mean.

Your Laugh today. You're Welcome.

2011-09-12T18:51:00.001-04:00

Okay, I came across this video and thought it was a joke, a parody, but it's not!!! It's real!!! It's the promotional video for the Miss Utah pageant and I just about died. There are so many things wrong here on so many levels. Can you count them all??

Hint: start with the sparkly face tattoo, the red dragon lady gloves, the "we all went to college for something, and we're moms," and the, "If I don't win I hope someone will win," or the best, "I heard a voice in my shower while my mascara was running down my face!" The fun does not end!

Okay, story #2.

The other week we visited my brother and his family for dinner. My brother has this junk room above his garage where he squeezed a TV and has turned it into his hangout room. After I cleaned up from dinner I hitched Jack onto my hip and went to look for Gary so we could start to head home.

"Where's Daddy?"
"I don't know. I think he's in The Man Cave."
"ManCave? What's Man Cave, Mommy?"
"Oh...just a Man Cave. A place where Uncle Rob likes to be." Because Jack says his thoughts out loud he repeated it a few times, entranced with the idea of it. I didn't think any more of it.

Fast forward to church on Sunday. We are sitting in The Royal Pew and as usual I am trying to keep a lid on Jack. He is on my lap and I find the first book I can to keep him busy. It's a little lift-the-flap book on Jesus. So we get to the end and I whisper in his ear, "This is Jesus. He's in his...." and I couldn't figure out how to explain the concept of a tomb and all that so I just said, "he's in a cave." (You see what's coming.) And Jack in his LOUD voice says, "OH! Jesus is in his MAN CAVE Mommy! It's Jesus' Man Cave!" and I am trying to shush him as the family behind us begins to crack up and Jack repeats various variations of "Jesus has a man cave too Mommy! Just like Uncle Rob! A man cave!" Like I've said, once he gets going it's hard to get him to stop. Inner voice, Jack!

Ten Years

2011-09-11T22:38:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. I am woefully behind in my posting. All eleven people who read this are distraught over this fact, I'm sure. It's just that I have three kids at three different schools, I am working part-time and failing to get things done full-time and seriously fall into my bed drooling in a half-sleep coma. I'll get there. Or at least I keep telling myself that. I'm tired, I keep exercising with no discernible results, I feel terrible when I snap at my kids, my sister gave us a dog as a present (THANKS JENN I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE) who is a sweet loving rescue dog but doesn't quite get that YOU DON'T POOP IN THE HOUSE. Also, I have been potty-training Jack at the same time, so I feel like my life swims in smelly bodily functions and I am terrified my house will have that "Oh, you must have a dog" smell. On top of that, we had a house under contract and it just fell through last week. I haven't had my own house for seven years, and I've had all my hopes and dreams pinned into this house. It was a house we normally couldn't afford but was being sold as a short sale, and I have mentally decorated the whole house and raised my children there again and again. Devastated is not the word for it. I feel like someone dangled a carrot in front of my face -- "Oh look! You can have a house! And not a crap house, a house you really want! Oops! Kidding!! Go back to your rental, loser!" I know, I'm whining but I gave myself one week to be sad and mad and kick rocks across the street.

So of course, there is nothing like the anniversary of September 11th to put things into perspective. I have been teary for a whole week, watching documentaries on the National Geographic Channel, watching various clips of the footage, and all the memories come rushing back.

On that morning I had one child, and she had just turned one. Remembering that fact has caused me to feel as if the wind has been knocked out of me. It doesn't feel that long ago, but this is the proof--my eleven-year-old in the room above me! Early in the morning my sister told me a plane had flown into the World Trade Center, and I didn't think much of it, picturing a little prop plane that had some sort of accident. I remember later watching the television with tears on my face and in shock, and Emma happily playing with her toys in front of me, not a care in her life, not understanding that the entire world had just changed. My husband still worked in an investment management office, which worked closely with Cantor Fitzgerald. I remember his shock at finding out most of the company had been wiped out, people he had dealt with frequently were gone. I remember him calling me and saying "Quick, run outside on the lawn! You can see Air Force One pass over!" We live about 45 minutes from the airport from which the huge jet lifted. I remember the days that passed by with no airplanes in the air, except for the occasional jet from MacDill Airforce Base. The first anniversary was hard, the fifth seemed to come so quickly, and now here we are, five years later.

I watched the Flight 93 dedication on Saturday while I straightened my (woefully messy) house. I thought Presidents Bush and Clinton did a lovely job with their talks and I was very touched by the whole thing. I also get tickled when the former presidents hang out together, familiarly touching each other and laughing about some inside joke we'll never get. I always think it must be a relief to be a former president; no more political pressure and bickering. You can just hang out and give your Secret Service men/women a hard time.

But I digress. I have challenges like so many, I have sorrows and joys like so many. I have my own personal struggles that no one will ever know, like so many. I hope for the ones left behind from this tragedy that they can find some measure of peace and comfort. I hope they have known joy again. I hope they can know that love does not end; family does not end. I appreciated what Leon Panetta said yesterday-- forgive me if I cannot remember the exact wording but it went something like this: "The attack was supposed to make us weaker, but instead it made us stronger." I really believe this. I hope I can apply this wisdom to my own life.

Tonight when I say my prayers I plan to focus on gratitude. Gratitude for the family and friends I have, all the good people in my life who help me to be better. Gratitude for my blessings, for my good fortune, for my experiences which have made me stronger, kinder, more compassionate, more humble. Life is progression, or it should be, anyway. Forgiving ourselves for not always measuring up, forgiving ourselves and moving on. And lastly, I have deep gratitude for those on September 11, 2001, who left us with such a legacy of love, selflessness, and dedication.

And I have gratitude for you, all eleven of you!

potty party

2011-08-05T12:50:00.001-04:00

Today we have begun toilet training. Little bubby will be three in October, and he starts 2-morning-a-week preschool at the end of August, so it is time.

I've been pretty good at potty training so far, but this time life threw me a curve ball and gave me a boy. So I've been getting advice from all my friends who have successfully trained their boys.

Knock on wood and all that, but so far so good. Only one accident. And he loves sitting on the potty as it means things he doesn't usually get to have: soda, m&ms, books, running around naked, yeah, good times. The funny thing is watching Emma, my little mother hen, encourage him and run back and forth to the toilet with him. She is so funny. She even dropped her drawers and showed him how to do his biz. She will kill me if she ever finds out I typed that so let's move on.

This week was also a big deal for Jack because he got stitches. After church on Sunday, he was climbing the brick steps to our door when he tripped and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bricks. I wasn't even there, I was in Sarasota, so poor Gary took him to the walk-in clinic himself for stitches. It was traumatizing as it always is, wrapping him in a "burrito" and having your child scream in terror. But the great t hing is how resilient they are; as soon as he was finished he was happy and smiling and ready for promised ice cream.

Yesterday morning he sneezed and said, "Oh! Mommy! All my 'bless you's' came out of my nose."
"What???" I asked him. "My 'bless yous' came out of my nose!" It was pretty funny.

I am a little proud of myself as well for standing up for myself to someone. I am usually passive and non-confrontive because I want everyone to be happy, but this time I snapped and let this person have it. In a grown-up way, I might add, but I am very proud of myself.

Well, off to run Jack to the potty!!!

Happy 11th to my emma!

2011-07-26T22:54:00.001-04:00

What a wonderful day.

We had lunch together at the cafe of her choosing.

(A French/American sandwich with brie--I'm so proud.)

We shopped together.

We laughed together.

It was a great day.

Happy Birthday Emma!

(And how cool is it that the year is always her age! 2011=11!)

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

2011-07-14T13:01:00.001-04:00

Did your mom ever say that to you?

Anyway, we are home from North Carolina. It was pretty great. I drove the kids by myself (a monstrous feat) and Gary rode his bike five days and through three states with some friends (a monstrous feat).

I will add pictures and all soon. I just got a new fancy schmancy camera and I need to download the pics so I can share them. I'm still learning how to work it! But I feel like I need a vacation to recover from my vacation. I am beat. We spent the whole day at the beach yesterday. First with some friends, then with our cousins. It was so nice. Also nice because I could ignore laundry and de-packing.

Jack is talking SO MUCH. The best way I have to express it is a story on our trip. We walked into a store with Jack on my hip, chattering away his stream of conciousness. A woman looks at me and says, "Wow! He can really talk!" "Yep," I answered. She shook her head and with her deepest wisdom said, "You know you're in big trouble, right?" "Yep," I answered. This from the boy who didn't talk for two years. It reminds me of a story of my Grandpa. When he was little in the 30s, my great-grandmother complained that he was three and not really talking or walking. The doctor said it was because she babied him too much. They needed to refuse to carry him and refuse to understand what he said in his baby language. She decided to try it. The next day he came up to her in the kitchen and said, "Hee Hee Ha Ha Waa Waa Mamma." She said, "I'm sorry Robert, you are going to have to tell me with words what you want. "Hee Hee Ha Ha Waa Waa Mamma." She repeated herself again. He throws a complete fit on the floor and she steps around him and ignores him with all her might, ready to cave. Finally, he stands up and looks at her and says, "May I pease have a drink of water, Mamma?"

Well I've got to go change a diaper explosion. And then we are going back to the beach so I can continue my master plan of denial.

The Whole Enchilada

2011-07-01T22:17:00.000-04:00

Sorry I have been so absent. Here's what's going on:

I was a leader at Girl's Camp for a week. Not bad when you consider the fact we had no air, and I was surrounded by hormonal teenage girls.

Gary is on a cycling trip to North Carolina. For real. Right now they are in north Florida. He is as happy as a clam. Tomorrow I drive my kids by myself for about twelve hours to NC. So fun for both of us! These pictures should be at the bottom of the post, obviously, but I'm too bone tired to mess with it. Just go with it.

Laura graduated from Brownies.

I got fifth's disease, which is supposed to be super rare for adults. I got a big rash and all my joints swelled for a week. Super fun.

Emma broke our hearts by graduating from fifth grade. She cried as she pulled away from her elementary school for the last time. She had a wonderful experience there.

Laura graduated from her kindergarten/1st grade loop. She had a wonderful two years with her teachers. I cannot believe she'll be in second next year.

Hope you had a great June. I am starting off my July with a drive to North Carolina solo with my kids. Jealous?

Welcome Summer

2011-06-17T00:23:00.003-04:00

I am so behind on posting, which is a shame because I have so many things to share. But here's what has been keeping me away:

1. Emma just graduated from elementary school. A busy last week.
2. The first two days of summer went fantastically. We started Mommy Summer School, made lists of proposed field trips and projects, I felt quite productive. Then
a. Laura came down with Fifth's (that awful rash and fever)(and p.s. doesn't she know the rules? You don't get sick during summer! Only during the school year!!), and now
b. Jack has his first stomach flu. We have changed his sheets three times, he has a terrible fever, and he has never thrown up before so he feels so confused and scared. I wrapped him up in a snuggly blanket and rocked him back and forth in the rocking chair and sang to him whatever came to my mind. Poor baby. Which always makes me want to have snuggly babies and toddlers forever because they are too young to have stinky feet or gross stuff yet.

So I am here, we are here. Just limping into summer a bit. But that's okay.
Happy Summer to you, too!

My kids as hamsters on our fist day of summer.

Lost in Frustration

2011-05-25T10:25:00.000-04:00

So I am fighting a bit of a cold. I am right in the beginning where it can go one way and be over soon or another and be an awful full-blown cold. I am trying to take care of myself to prevent the latter.

This morning when checking out someone's site they posted a funny video of the show Lost and vented their frustrations. The video was so spot on for me I've decided to repost it here as it brought back all my own frustrations a year after the show's finale.

I remember halfway through the last season thinking, "They're not going to answer any questions. They're not going to tell us the point of this whole show." And yet I continued watching, hoping that they could somehow miraculously wrap up years in a handful of episodes.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the way the show ends, I mind the lack of explanations. And in every interview that Lindelof and Cuse gave afterward they would say condescendingly (as if we are the unreasonable ones), "we can't answer every single question." To which I would yell at the screen (or magazine), "YOU are the ones who created this intensive mythology! YOU are the ones who asked the questions. YOU are the one who introduced billions of characters and storylines and problems and easter eggs and hidden little nuggets! IS IT SO UNREASONABLE THAT WE EXPECT YOU TO ACTUALLY ANSWER THEM AFTER WE INVESTED YEARS I SAID YEARS INTO THIS SHOW?" In fact the vast majority of huge issues went unanswered. Entire threads of a season were pointlessly ignored. I remember people saying, "These writers have no idea where they are going with this show. They are just throwing things onto the blackboard to see what sticks. They have no idea how it's going to end." And I would faithfully defend them. Now, I realize, THEY WERE RIGHT.

Okay, I'm going to take a step back here. Obviously I have a little bit of remaining bitterness. I am going to go eat a handful of m&ms and you watch this video. It's a good one.

Puberty: It's a Happy Thing!

2011-05-20T08:34:00.001-04:00

I've been reading Tina Fey's new book Bossypants. I'm only on the first few chapters, but the last thing I read is her experience with the nice little "My First Period" kit (sponsored by Modess) sent home from school. I TOTALLY forgot about that! I got one of those as well!! You know, "Growing Up and Liking It" and other complete crap like that. It was this whole "you can have your period and still be sassy!" thing. Seem archaic? Well guess what? They're still doing that (2011 style)!

Emma had the dreaded puberty class yesterday. She came home telling me she was scarred for life (did I mention that drama is part of the early sign of puberty?) Apparently now the puberty class is all high-tech and stuff. They had this computer generated movie of a girl and got to watch her body change before their very eyes. Emma said they were like, "Oh......OH NO!"

They were kind enough to send her home with her own little My First Period kit (sponsored by Always). The big words on the front of the girls' guide say, "IT'S A HAPPY THING!" (Emma rolled her eyes at this--another mark of womanhood to come). Then the booklet proceeded to tell about oily skin and zits. Uh, I know they want to be all I-am-woman-hear-me-roar-and-everything, but even they are having trouble making it sound exciting. My favorite part is when they say "Put an explanation mark after your period!"

Sidebar: (and Charlene you will remember this one!) I totally forgot until today that I did a monologue in college on this pre-teen who gets her period! I know, I know it's sounds...horrific...but it was actually totally funny. I think she calls 911 or something like that.

Anyway since I am trying to be a Cool Modern Mother and dialogue with my daughter about the Birds and the Bees and Puberty and all those totally exciting and fabulous changes of life, I have to smile and say things through my clenched teeth like, "It's not gross honey, it's exciting!" or "Stop making me feel like a freak because my body looks like computer-generated-girl (with a few extra pounds)."

This also makes me wonder why I don't get any positive little kits now. You know, like a "My First Change of Life" kit or something? I guess there's no way to spin the positives of growing hair on your face or your boobs hanging around your knees like water balloons, or gray straggly hairs. And who would sponsor the kit? Depends? Would the cover of my booklet say, "Estrogen! It's not your friend anymore!" Oh well.

The only time Emma seemed happy was when she asked me when I got my period and I told her I was practically in my twenties. Okay, I'm being dramatic, but let's just say I was in the Better-Late-Than-Never club. I've been in that club when it comes to most things in my life.

Well now that I'm done complaining I'm off to eat my fritatta. Seriously, we had Book Club last night and I made my first fritatta ever and it was AWESOME. I have just enough left for breakfast this morning. It's a happy thing!

I Am Thuper Thorry.

2011-05-18T22:32:00.000-04:00

I have been a wee bit absent. I will be back tomorrow. After I take Jack to Bounce U.
(Fun Bounce U, Mommy! Thuper fun!)

Apparently I say Super a lot. Just the other day a waitress laughed because I said, "Oh, this is Super Yum." I would like to trademark that awesome phrase right now. You cannot use it without paying me a quarter.

Jack all day says:
1. Mommy, I am THUPER hungy.
2. Mommy, I am thuper tired.
3. Oh Mommy! That was Thuper thcary!
4. No Mommy! I not thuper poopy! No thank you!
5. Mommy, I am THUPER THUPER hungy. (I hear that one a lot.)


Is this picture thuper thcary?

See you tomorrow!!!

Human Growth and Underdevelopment

2011-04-28T22:09:00.000-04:00

Emma came home this week in a state of despair. As if the world were ending she slapped a piece of paper on the counter. "Mom PLEASE check no."
"For what?"
"Stinkin' human growth and development. The PUBERTY class."
"Well, why don't you want to go?"
"I don't want to hear about boobs. I don't want to hear about being a woman. I DON'T want to be a WOMAN."
"Sorry honey, hate to tell you this, but it's only a matter of time and you'll be having hair pop up where hair should never be. It's coming for you."
"AAAARRRGGHH."

Talking about sex with my kids is kind of like figuring out cell phone rules. We didn't have cell phones when I was a kid, and in my house my mom never talked about sex. Ever. I'm not mad about it because she had her reasons and I get it. I don't fault her at all. But it leaves me without any memories to rely on. You know--I'll NEVER approach it that way, or I definitely will approach it the same way. So I am pretty much winging it. Trying to find the balance between not saddling them with too much information too early, and making sure we talk about it when we should.

The biggest thing I want Emma to know is that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. When I taught middle school, I can't tell you how many girls would sob to me about how they did something because they thought they were supposed to, or their girlfriends/boyfriends pressured them into it, or they didn't know what they were getting into, or the boy said they'd break up with her and she just wanted to be loved.

Anyway. Given the fact that Emma is taking after me in the body development arena, she is quite possibly years away from worrying about BECOMING A WOMAN. My little girl who still wears Little Pet Shop underwear and sneaks upstairs to play Barbies is not even near resembling anything developed. While other girls are already shaving their legs and wearing bras, Emma still makes the throw up sounds when we walk past the bra section at the store. And as far as schedules, lets just say that although my cups may runneth over now, I was flat as a board until high school. Then one morning I woke up and BAM there they were. Okay, it may not have been that dramatic, but it was pretty close. I pretty much started wearing a bra in 8th grade because I was the only one not wearing one. So Emma probably will not have to worry for a while.

The best thing for me is that Emma feels comfortable talking to me about these things. That's great, because I did not have anyone to talk to except friends. So that's a start.

In other news, I have to go to bed now as we are insane enough to get up early and head to the shuttle launch with 500,000 other people. Emma has not seen it before, and really wants to, and I want her to, so we are going to go for it. I am expecting our normally 3 hour drive to be about 6. One way. At least. Thank goodness it's worth it.

Bow Chicka Bow Wow

2011-04-14T09:18:00.000-04:00

Is that how you write it? Or is it more like Bum Chicka Bum Bum? You know, that 70s sexy music? Forget it.

So, I love this outfit. Gary hates it. He expressed his disdain by leaving the front open and adding a gold chain necklace and singing seventies music while Jack walked around. Whatever, it's awesome.

Sorry the pictures are not that great. Jack refused to cooperate and stand still so I could take a picture. He was feeling his 70s rebellion.

In other news, I wanted to get my haircut like this after I saw it on another blog, even though I've been working forever to get my hair longer. Well every woman I know says it's an awesome idea, whereas every man says no. Except for Gary. What is that about? And what do you think?

Meet my children: Yoda, Condaleeza, and Indy

2011-04-05T22:47:00.000-04:00


Laura outside the library, with her newly-checked out Indiana Jones book

So my last post concerned Laura, who would now like to be referred to as Indy, thank you very much. I now have two new transformations.

The first is Jack, who has now decided to channel Yoda. All day I try not to laugh in his face and crush his fragile (okay, nothing about him is really fragile) self-esteem. Just today I had these gems:

"Cookie. I can have?"

"iTouch. Mommy pwee can I?

"Cold, I am."

I just want to put some wrinkly ears on him and a bathrobe. And he's so earnest when he says it. The other day when he said"Mommy, I try?" I wanted to say, "Do or do not. There is no try."

Emma, on the other hand had a speech to write for her fifth-grade class. It was a big one, with lots of research required and a costume to wear resembling the person they picked to speak on. Emma, came up with CONDOLEEZA RICE. I know, right! I was so proud. Let me tell you, there are lots of times when I walk in and the toilet is not flushed, or they threw a cup in the trash, or walk into a wall and I'm not so proud. So this was a moment to remember! Or blog about, anyway.

We checked out a book on 'ol Condi and Emma was amazed by all the things about her life. Me, too. She grew up in segregated Birmingham and one of her dear friends was killed in the church bombing. She never forgot the little coffins in a row. And yet this young girl with a paltry amount of rights grew up to be a concert pianist and Secretary of State. The night before Emma's speech was due, Oprah had a special on Condoleeza on her new network. What struck me is how down to earth she is. She said she realized that she could not be a concert pianist...she went to a special school and things she had spent years learning and practicing 12-year-olds were doing with their eyes closed. So she changed her major. She sat in class after class until one took hold that she felt passionate about. Russian Studies. Yes, I can just feel the passion on that one. She talked about how she had to work against the good old boy system so often and constantly prove that a woman could perform well in such a high-pressure job. Thank goodness for the Madeleine Albrights, Condoleeza Rices, and Hillary Clintons. You may not love all their politics or decisions, but you can admire the hard work and dedication that made them who they are. I will now step off my soapbox.

As far as what Emma should do to make her look like Condi? I was a little stumped with that one. So I just flat ironed her hair, packed a skirt and shrug/jacket and said good luck. Tell them to use their imaginations, it will be good for them.

Tune in next time, when we find out what Daddy almost did to a small boy with a shovel when he found out this same small boy asked Emma to be his girlfriend. I think he's not ready for this. I mean, I'm not ready for this, but he's really not ready for this.

dear harrison ford...

2011-03-29T21:59:00.000-04:00

My daughter is in deep, mad, crush with you. Well, not you exactly, but Indiana Jones. Please don't take it personally, I'm sure you can understand. Six months ago we allowed her to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark with us for family movie night. She watched with wide eyes full of awe. She was hooked. Really hooked. I got her a Lego Indiana Jones DS game for her birthday, I thought she was going to cry. She begged her Daddy to dress as Indiana Jones for Halloween. I thought it was just a quick, sweet, passing phase. Then everyday after school she started doing this:

Unfortunately, I took the picture before she added her sister's knee-high leather boots on. Sometimes she adds her Daddy's leather jacket. We just made a trip to the hardware store to buy duck tape so her Daddy can make an Indiana Jones bullwhip from a tutorial she found online. When her friends come over to play, they find themselves on the latest search for an archaeological find deep in a jungle, with her as the lead, of course.

And the piece de resistance: Our Disney Trip. Some little girls go to Disney to meet the princesses and buy the frilly dresses. Laura's moment of zen was the Indiana Jones Stunt Show. She saw it no less than five times. I made her Dad take one for the team and watch them with her. I was beginning to be able to recite all the lines. I know she could.

On our last day we were rambling down one of the walkways at Hollywood Studios when she stopped still in the middle of the masses, her sights zooming into some random store. She began to walk, then run toward a display in the distance. There, on the shelf in front of her was the Holy Grail, no the Ark of the Covenant for an Indiana Jones lover. It was a package, not with princesses or Mickey Mouse or any of that. No, it had every figure from the Raiders of the Lost Ark movie. It even had a snake, a torch, and a miniature Ark of the Covenant. With trembling hands she looked up into my eyes and quietly asked if this could be her one toy for her trip. (Did you guys have your parents do that? Kids, you can choose ONE toy for under $20. ONLY one.) Of course I said yes (not to mention it was only $12.99--how can you beat that at Disney??) and I seriously thought she was going to cry. She rushed into my arms, kissed my belly over and over, and said, "Oh Mommy! Thank you! Thank you! I love you!" As soon as we got back to our hotel room she ripped the package open and Indiana Jones found himself in another grave adventure.

I don't know how long this little phase will last. But I know it is true love. If you ever get tired of annoying, leechy fans, know you have a seven-year-old whose love is true.

Fun in the kitchen on a Thursday

2011-03-24T22:04:00.001-04:00

*The video is only sometimes showing up below. (???) So here is a link if you don't see it. Let me know if you have any trouble.

First was fun with cereal. Then after he was dressed I left him alone for a moment to get dressed myself. This was an unfortunate choice. A short time later he came into my bedroom somewhat shellshocked...with yogurt dripping all over him from head to toe. He handed me a paper towel and said, "Hep me, mommy. Hep me with pay-pah tow-ell." I of course grabbed my camera/phone. Then we cleaned the refrigerator.

Puking Advice

2011-03-15T22:18:00.000-04:00

So what did you think when you saw that title in your google reader? Huh?

Since I brought everyone down yesterday I thought I would lighten things up a bit. One of my friends is newly pregnant (and no, that's not a clever way of saying it's me) and I thought in her honor I would list the top five worst things to puke. I am a certified expert in this area. With Emma, I was a five-time-a-day Olympic champ. Hey, somebody just found their talent!!!

1. Peanut Butter. It's not that it tastes so bad on it's way up, it's just that it gets stuck in your throat. So not only are you throwing up, but your choking at the same time. Bonus!

2. French-cut green beans. Like corn, they never go away. Puke these up and you will be picking these little critters out of every nook and cranny in your bathroom for days. Or your significant other, anyway. Love ya, Gary!

3. Tomato Soup. Once when I was a teen I had a nasty stomach bug. I lay down on my back when I had to throw up because I was sure that I couldn't throw up when I was lying down. Let me assure you in case you had any doubts, what comes up must come down. It was ugly. And now you know why I went straight to community college after high school.

4. Taco Bell. Is any explanation needed for that one?

5. Expensive dinners. Pregnant with Emma, I naively went to an expensive seafood dinner. If the puking itself wasn't bad enough, literally flushing $30 down the toilet doesn't feel much better either.

Care to add? Or are you just hastily clicking to another site, any site at all will do, just to get this out of your brain?

Guess what!!! The Jolly Porter is back! Hooray!

Please do not play that "I Had A Bad Day" song. I just got it out of my head.

2011-03-14T20:54:00.000-04:00

So I'm having a rough day. Actually, I think I am struggling a bit right now in general. I think I am having a moment where I am trying to figure out where I am going next in life, and what I want out of it. I am a little unhappy--not in a huge or disturbing way. Not in a way that anyone can change or it's anyone's fault. I just find myself looking out the window and feel like there is something I'm supposed to be doing, and I can't figure out what it is. I ask myself, "What is it I want? If I could do anything in the world right now, what would it be?" And I can't quite figure it out. It's like I have pieces of it, but I can't put it together. I feel this sensation of having something on the tip of my tongue; a fabulous word or thought and I can't quite get it. So I am just waiting, because I really think it will come to me. One day I'll be standing in the grocery store, or washing my hair, and BAM! It will come to me. I hope soon.

I just feel a little morose. But I am only giving myself a few days to wallow around in self-pity, and then I will order myself to snap out of it. After all, it's not like my house was destroyed in a tsunami or earthquake. Or like I am looking for lost relatives. I do have perspective.

When my girls cry with heartache, when they hurt, I crawl into bed with them and whisper into their ears all the things I love about them, tell them they are beautiful, that they have a divine purpose and how amazing they are. I stroke their hair and wipe away tears. And I guess that's one of the crappy things about being an adult. Although you do get to drive and eat dessert first and be done with school, no one crawls into your bed and holds your hand and strokes your hair and tells you that you are beautiful and amazing. And I wish I weren't too old for that.

Okay, I know that was over-the-top pathetic and cheesebally and you are gagging your last meal. That's how sad and pathetic my self-pity is today. I do want to say I am not writing this because I need you to write a comment to make me feel better. But I do want to know that sometimes other people feel this same way. That I am not completely ridiculous.

I really am okay. I am just having a rough week. But this made me majorly smile so you have to watch it:

Monkey Business

2011-02-25T01:04:00.002-05:00

My son is part-monkey. Any past/present/future teacher knows about the multiple intelligences, and honey, I have somehow spawned a child that is bodily/kinesthetic. I don't know how. This stinks because this means I'm going to have to do t-ball games on Saturdays and other such activities which impact my laziness. Jack climbs any bookcase/tower/playground. He hangs from anything he can find better than a gymnast. Case in point:

Today I needed to run some errands. Jack and I have a routine to get out the door and we were smack in the middle of it. We go through the garage door, I hit the button, he follows me as we go around to his side of the car where I throw him and the bag in (and yes, I buckle him in). Well I am opening my side of the door when I hear, "MOMMY MOMMY HEP HEP HEP ME MOMMY HEP" in the most frantic toddler voice. I drop my bag and run around to see him HANGING FROM THE GARAGE DOOR WHICH IS NOW COMPLETELY RETRACTED INTO THE CEILING. He apparently had grabbed the bottom of the door as it raised and rode that sucker right up to the top where it stopped. He is hanging there, holding on with all his little baby might, his little red face scrunched up with fear, little legs dangling high off the ground. I snatched him in my arms, kissed his little face and then started to laugh. But we both learned something today: I learned he is tenaciously strong and I cannot take my eyes off him for a moment, and he learned some new words.

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In other news:

I also am trying to do some things for just me lately, so I took my first writing class tonight. I have no idea what I am going to do with it, it was just something I wanted to try. It was fun, but intimidating. There are not many situations that leave me shy and quiet, but this one did. I am looking forward to next week's class.

Today was the last launch for Discovery. Everyone ran outside in my area to watch the plume, but unfortunately clouds appeared right before the launch. Thank goodness for TV.

So until next post my friends, where I discuss my difficulty with aging, I leave you to explore new horizons and keep a close eye on your garage doors.

(Sorry that my pictures are so crappy today, but blogger is messing up and I can't seem to fix it. It won't let me turn my pictures the right way or put them where I want them. I have tried and tried but now I'm done.

de vivre la langue!

2011-02-17T09:18:00.000-05:00

Found this on Design Mom this morning, and it really started my morning off wonderfully--which is fabulous considering that today I have to clean the toilets and go to the doctor to discuss embarrassing things. I will keep this in mind while I try to keep my face from being red! Bonne chance!!

EF - Live The Language - Paris from Albin Holmqvist on Vimeo.

Things I loved (on Monday)

2011-02-16T19:04:00.001-05:00

We are all still getting over being sick here, so V-Day is a bit delayed.

Some years you put a lot of effort into a holidays, some years you don't. This was a don't. Decorations were minimal. Thankfully, we were all happy with that. I had the cutest idea for homemade Valentines for my girls to make for their classes. Unfortunately, we all got sick, and those plans went out the window along with my energy. But I have learned to give myself permission to not have everything so flipping perfect all the time, which enabled me to notice that the girls were perfectly happy with their box of CVS valentines.

I am not much of a crafty mom, but I do like to pack their lunches, so I made them a Valentines-theme lunch. That sandwich blob is supposed to be a heart.

Charlene sent my girls the CUTEST Valentine's postcards. The girls squealed that there was something in the mailbox for them. And these are the kind of postcards that are so cool we can keep them and use them as decorations next year. I think that they would be cute framed. Charlene, you have now surpassed Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy in the coolness factor.

Jack played me a love song for Valentine's.

I had a silhouette made of Jack--at all places--Disney World. I know I could do it myself, but having a nice lady in a colonial dress bust it out for me was way worth the money. Which was not much, thankfully. Every time I see his sweet little picture (much more in detail when you get closer) I just want to devour his toddler deliciousness. I need to have the girls done next time we are there.

A blurry but happy shot of the girls with their postcards right before they go to bed.

For Valentine's day, Gary gave me a cute vintage-looking bracelet. I made him a chocolate chip cookie pie, his favorite dessert. My parents came over and we grilled steaks and had the best time sitting around and laughing. I love sitting around and making fun of my relatives who aren't there.

Happy Valentines!!! Hope you had a great day!!

Disney Day 5--conquering Everest and obscene portion sizes

2011-02-13T16:04:00.001-05:00

Sorry I am behind so much....but we have been down with sickness at my house this week. Don't cry for me Argentina, we're almost done. So I am trying to quickly dash out the last of our trip.

Our last day found us at Animal Kingdom. In truth, there is really not much to do at this park. The best thing is Expedition Everest, the newest roller coaster at the park. You can easily do this park in a few hours, especially if it is PRACTICALLY EMPTY like it was when we were there.

We walked onto Everest about four times in a row. We were lucky enough to have my sister and her husband, as well as my friend Kymmie and her girls, meet up with us at the park. It did rain that day, but you can't have it all, people.

Everest is the BEST roller coaster. The forces are so strong when you go down the "mountain" that you can't even keep your arms up. The best part-- we prepped Laura for the fact that she was not tall enough to ride it. She was really disappointed. But when we got up to the measuring-point we found out she was finally tall enough after all! She looked at me, I looked at her, and we screamed and threw our hands up in the air and did a happy dance! She was a real pro and rode it several times.

After the park we went to the Polynesian and ate at 'Ohanas. That's one of those Hawaiian-style-bring-meat-around-on-skewers-eat-too-much-food-places.

Emma's pictures: (I like to include Emma's pictures because otherwise I don't make it into any. It's hard for me to prove I was actually there except for my witty commentary)

This picture reminds me that I am thinking of creating a new kit for Toys R Us called "My First Facelift." What do you think?

My Sista. We are very funny together and I like the fact that someone else appreciates how humorous I am.

My pictures:

That is me, back row, doing one of my hobbies. Making ridiculous faces for the ride-photo-thingy. Notice Emma and Kyra on the front row freaking out, and Laura in the back row looking like it's just another day at the park.

He's coolness is not marred by the fact that his glasses are askew.

Technology today, people. They both have their iPhones handy. However Emma has since had hers taken away until she CLEANS HER STINKIN ROOM.

Dancing with Em @the Polynesian

Happy Boy.

This is what I like about my husband (and brother-in-law). He's not afraid to be silly. The girls loved it.

Limbo!!

How nice of Disney to provide wheelbarrows in which to roll us home since we ate so much. Thoughtful!

Disney Day 4 -- Teeth and Pirates

2011-02-02T18:24:00.002-05:00

I have realized that actually day four is day three, and day three is day four. I got them confused. I think it's the sad mundane monotony of dishes and errands that had me jumping the gun and romanticizing my vacation. Even a vacation to Disney.

So anyway, Day 3/4 we just took it easy. Got up late, strolled over to MK to do things we didn't do before. I also forgot to tell you that before we jumped ship at Studios we ate at the Sci-Fi Diner. THAT is a lot of fun. The kids loved sitting in our 1950s "cars" and watching the clips of sci-fi movies, along with commercials for the "kitchen of the future." One funny advertisement reminded teenagers not to engage in PDA at the drive-in. So fun! I can tell you this, you can get a good picture of our poor sisters from the 1950s from these clips. In one scene, the men are driving the spaceship while the lone woman is POWDERING HER NOSE oh so daintily in the corner. I burst out laughing with that one!Apparently, the only other purpose for women in the 1950s was to be taken hostage and to scream their guts out. The best clip though, was the one with "Cat Women from Mars." Basically, the Mars women (dressed scandalously scantily, as they always do on Mars) kidnap men from Earth for breeding purposes against their will. Hmmm. Sounds like someone's fantasy run a muck, no?

So back to the morning. Laura had lost her tooth the night before. The next morning, after she put her "Alice" costume on, she had a delivery at the door for her. Balloons and a card from Mickey, congratulating her on losing her tooth!! This was a really exciting start to her day. We hit the road and headed out to Magic Kingdom.

Emma and Gary heading down Main Street. See how nice and empty it is!! Me happy!

Today it drastically heated up. I was scrambling to find the coolest clothes I could find for them in the suitcase. Thank goodness for Laura's costume. Above they were entering the hula hoop costume, which Laura can win with her eyes closed. She can do some pretty amazing tricks while hula-hooping, and if you've read this blog before you know she doesn't mind letting the world know it.

Captain Jack Sparrow in person, recruiting new pirates. He may not look exactly like the chiseled-cheekbone version, but he moved and sounded EXACTLY like him. It was a lot of fun.

The girls taking the pirate oath. Can Alice in Wonderland join the pirates?

Emma's pictures of the fireworks. I know, doesn't do it justice.

Back at Magic Kingdom we strolled, rode the "fun rockets," watched fireworks where we waved at Tinkerbell frantically as she flew over our heads. I'm telling you, I don't care how cynical you are, the Wishes fireworks show is the best and will melt your ice-cold anti-Disney heart. They are awesome. Then we walked to Contemporary and checked out the shops and the view. I told Gary I wanted a toy monorail set to go around my Christmas tree and he gave me one of those "Sure honey, whatever," looks. Interpret as you will.
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I am going to add at the bottom of this post that we in Florida seem to have hogged every bit of warm weather in the country. While everyone else is suffering through a blizzard, we wore shorts today for the first time in two months. Sorry. We'll give it back soon.

Disney Day 3--Attack of the Brazilians

2011-02-01T14:25:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the delay--it's been a crazy week. Girl Scout campouts, church meetings, honor roll lunches, oh what a wild life I lead.

So our third day we thought we would jaunt off to Hollywood Studios (formerly Disney-MGM Studios). We assumed it would be another day like the first two: easy, comfy, not crowded.

Fail.

Instead, this happened to be winter break in Brazil. And Thursday is Fantasmic day in Hollywood Studios. The result is a nuclear class five combination as every single Brazilian tour group led their students behind orange flags into the park.

Now let's back the truck up a little bit here. Beep beep beep. A long time ago in a wrinkle-free portion of my life I worked at Disney while in college. The bane of every Disney cast member's existence was the Brazilian tour groups. They are typically the most wealthy kids from Brazil and used to doing whatever they want. They chant and yell through the shows, they skip in lines en masse and then pretend they don't know what you're talking about, I even had one come up to me on a dare and kiss me full on the lips. I was in such a state of shock he ran away before I could do anything about it! Anyone who says Americans are the worst tourists have never encountered Brazilian tour groups. Or lived in a tourist area--I've met people from everywhere and no one is really that spectacular. Being tired and cranky and constipated and feeling like you've spent too much money is a universal experience.

So anyway the BTGs took all of the fast passes, banded together in certain areas and made sure no one could get through to certain rides, crowded the characters and wouldn't let anyone near, refused to stand in lines, you know, the usual. I was miserable. The crowd level was intolerable, so we left. Props to the guest service cast member who felt our pain and gave our family fastpasses to Toy Story Mania (the BEST ride at WDW right now). Basically, I was so miserable and crabby I took almost no pictures. Sorry.

Instead we headed over to Epcot where we WALKED onto the fast rides over and over again. We ate a great dinner at The Land and walked out together hand in hand (ahhhhh). Crowd levels were so low at Epcot they didn't even have the parking lot tram running. Perfection.

The "Lights! Motors! Action! show at Studios. Really cool.

Jack about to go down the slide in the "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" playground. Actually, he is about the throw a hiss because they wouldn't let him go down on his belly.

And then that night, Laura lost a tooth! She got $2 instead of $1 since she lost it at Disney.

Disney Day 2--It's Mullet-tastic!

2011-01-26T11:38:00.000-05:00

Day 2 means Epcot. Some people don't like Epcot because it's more of a thinking place and less of a thrill zone. But being the brainiac I am, I fit right in.

I have to tell you, it took everything I have to complete that sentence with a straight face.

Actually, good ol' Epcot is not so bad anymore. It has a lot of fun thrill rides, and we personally love to eat our way around the world.

These are Emma's pictures of our room. Fascinating, isn't it? She wanted me to include it.

It's hard to tell in these pictures, but Jack adores Mary Poppins. Watches her movie all the time. He kept walking around her, kind of shocked that she was standing in front of him, and not in the TV.

We never did master the art of getting Jack to look AT the camera.

Waiting in line to see Alice

Remind me to tell you the story of how I was rejected by Disney at a formative age to play Alice. Scarred me for life.

Right now I am resisting the urge to yell, "I COULD HAVE DONE IT BETTER!"

Here I took a picture as we walked by because there was no way we were standing in another line.

This is the part where I make fun of a nice family. Forgive me ahead of time, but Gary made me do it. This was a nice family of a Mom, Dad, and kid. They all had matching mullets, bless their hearts.
The interesting thing is that they had their son on one of those toddler leashes. What is he, six?? So we were kind of giggling about that. At Disney you see all kinds of people. Many obese people. Sometimes obese people in obscene outfits. Poor English people who don't know how to dress in humid Florida weather and usually end up in a black sneakers and short running shorts with white, hairy legs in between. Not good. Often elderly Indian women with these beautiful two piece gowns (saris?) but these awful flabby stomachs hanging out in the middle. Lots of Americans in mom jeans. But this was a first. But I have to say they were a really nice, happy family. And they obviously loved their kid and didn't want to lose him. Hence, the leash.

Oh, and the stroller the mom is pushing? That's for him. There's no baby inside. We saw him riding in it later. Maybe he's really a toddler and he is just big for his age. Although he is bigger than Laura. Oh well, on to other things. I realize I am a terrible person since I spent most of this post making fun of a nice family. I feel a great deal of shame over that. But not enough to delete the pictures, unfortunately.

Jack got a drum set for Christmas (Thanks, Mom!) So, he was right at home here.

Playing the Kim Possible game in Norway

Finally.


Marie, in France. We ate an awful lot of pastries here. Yum.

Jack kind of looks like he's praying here. Probably to get away from all these princesses.

This was kind of funny. Here colonial people came out to do a fife and drum thing. Above they are doing the pledge. They sang "God Bless America" and asked us all to join in. We were kind of looking around at each other when we started like, "Are we allowed to sing about God in public? Aren't we going to get in trouble?" I think we're all so used to having to be quiet about God that we were kind of nervous to express ourselves outside of a church. Kind of funny, and kind of sad, I guess.

So that's the last picture I took at Epcot because we then proceeded to the THRILL RIDE section! Laura is so pleased as punch to be tall enough to ride most everything. Bless Disney for having the baby swap program, and Gary and I took turns taking rides with the girls. We did Soarin' (so much fun), Test Track, Mission: Space, and some other things. The other thing I am grateful for is the fact my kids are not scared to ride roller coasters, etc. I am a terribly selfish person, and it would be hard for me to skip one due to their fear. I'd probably tie them to a tree, tell them not to talk to strangers, and then go ride it myself.

We fell in bed at about eleven. Of course then I picked up a library book, Paranormalcy, and stayed up until one. Not so smart.

Disney Day 1!

2011-01-25T13:13:00.000-05:00

Time for my family's annual trip to the mouse. Since we live right around the corner from the big DW, and we get some lovely Florida Resident perks, it's much easier for us to go often than it would be for most people. I cannot abide Disney during peak season. It's the definition of misery to me, so this year we went during January. Why January? Because there is literally NO ONE ELSE THERE. It's fantastic. And it's not too hot or humid, either.

We started out on Monday at Magic Kingdom. We had some good and some bad. The bad happened to be the weather. There was a downpour in the morning that settled into a drizzle for the rest of the day. The bad, however caused the good--the park was empty. E.M.P.T.Y. We walked onto the rides again and again and never felt that claustrophobic feeling you can get when it's busy.

Our goal this trip was to do some things we've never done before. We hung around Main Street and visited some characters, then took Jack to get his hair cut at the Main Street Barber Shop. It was so cute!

Jack is just old enough to really figure out that this is a fun place. He loved meeting the characters and loved the rides. Every time we went back to our room he would say, "More Did-ney Wold, Mommy? More Did-ney World?" His favorite ride hands down was the Astro-Orbiter, which glides high above Tomorrowland. "Fun rockets, Mommy! More fun rockets!"

Jack meeting Daisy. He really liked her a lot, and she was very sweet to him. Not all characters are as patient, unfortunately.

Checking out the sights.

Jack's big haircut

We had a guest relations supervisor come up to us and talk to us for a minute. He then proceeded to ask us if we could come with him, he had a surprise for us. We followed him into one of the buildings behind the scenes, knocked on the door three times and said bibbity-bobbity-boo. The girls were giddy with anticipation. Inside, was Cinderella!! Emma was tongue-tied with shock and awe. Laura is never tongue-tied. I loathed the fact we were still in parkas. The last time we met Cinderella a couple years ago was also in a downpour. I am sensing a pattern here.

Buzz rocks.

Fun Rockets!!

We finished the night watching the fireworks from the "Fun Rockets," and slowly strolled out. We had a great time, apart from Jack dropping his binky in the water off Tom Sawyer's Island. Our last binky, I might add. But it was really nice for us to get away. To get out of the world, away from computers, and to be together. It was a nice break for me and hard to come home.

Jack just toddled up to the computer pointed to the picture and said, "Oh! Fun rockets Didney!! 'Gin, mommy, 'gin!"

This is going to be a long week.

2011-01-10T22:29:00.000-05:00

Isn't it surreal to see a toddler this comfortable with modern technology? I mean seriously, we didn't even have brick phones or beepers until I was a teenager. How far we've come.

This is going to be a long week, I think. Gary is out of town. Jack, who has been a ball of adorableness for the past six months has now been possessed by toddler demons and is spinning his head around and spitting pea soup while he screams for whatever he wants. It's peachy. The only thing that saves him from floating down the river is that he will stop and turn around and blow a kiss and say, "I yuv you much too Mommy."

Saturday I went to the funeral of a mother of teenagers who passed away from breast cancer. Her oldest daughter is 19 and now gets to assume the mantle of defacto matriarch. My mother also went to the funeral, but separately from me, so it wasn't until we were finished that I went down the hall of the church and ran into my mother sobbing with full force--my mother who typically bottles her emotions-- and weeping with someone we sort of know. As soon as my mom saw me, she looked horrified and quickly sucked it in, dried her tears and told me she was okay. I walked her to her car, and we engaged in light conversation about what we would eat for dinner Sunday night. I am thinking to myself during this, "Geesh, we are so screwed up."

Why was my mom crying? It could be because she lost her mother at nineteen as well. It could be because she has had cancer, including breast cancer three times, barely surviving each time. All these things and more, I'm sure. But my mom has this deep down belief in her core that she must not burden her children with anything sad or her true feelings. So it's left me feeling like I don't know huge chunks of her life, of her true self. But as hurt as it used to make me, I have had a realization of sorts. Your family is your family. Part of the journey is figuring out how to love them for who they are and accept them with all of their bumps and bruises. This is who my Mom is. Due to things she experienced in her childhood, she is unable to share these sorts of things, and it is just the way it is.

I am also hoping she will not start reading my blog.

Anyway, before I go, I want to make sure I pay tribute to Major Richard "Dick" Winters, of the 101st airborne division in WW2. He died on the second of January, and he is another person in this world that I've never met but had a great impact on me. I have read both his biography and autobiography, and I have nothing but the greatest respect and admiration for him. Major Winters is the focus of the HBO miniseries "Band of Brothers," and he was portrayed by Damian Lewis, who did a fabulous job. If you've never seen it before--what are you waiting for!?--rush right out to your library or Netflix and check it out.

And a link to the Washington Post article.

Best.Video.2010.

2011-01-03T22:19:00.000-05:00

Emma getting her iTouch.

Here Comes my ArchNemesis Here Comes my ArchNemesis right down Santa Claus Lane

2010-12-22T15:18:00.004-05:00

Okay, okay I'm joking. I'm going to give Santa a break and try not to ruin the magic for my kids by making it all about me. But really, is that sooo wrong?

Good news with the itouch drama. After all my moaning and groaning, my sister called me and is going to pay for half. So we're in!!! All I have to say is, when Emma opens that present, I hope she screams like the little girl she is.

We are heading down the pike here for Christmas. I think I am just about done here. Gary asked what I want for Christmas and I said:
a new house
an Audi Q7
uggs
xbox kinect
oh, and maybe a wallet.
Do you think that's too much? Really, we don't get much for each other for Christmas cause we just don't care. Let's face it; for adults, it's basically Christmas all year long. If we want something, we just go get it. And we are usually too busy making fun of the Kay and Zales jewelery commercials to do anything productive.

I know you have been eagerly anticipating my favorites for this year so I will not keep you in stitches any longer. Off the top of my head:

music: Metric (i KNOW it didn't come out this year), Brandon Flowers solo album, and The Lower Lights, which I am also getting for my Dad for Christmas.

books: I read a lot, but the two that stand out for me are The Passage (which scared the stink out of me) and Mockingjay. Also, Dark Road to Darjeeling, the fourth in the Julia Gray series.

tv shows: Fringe, The Middle, Modern Family (even though the gay couple has a robot baby--honestly no baby is that good. Okay, FINE I'm jealous.), my husband loves The Walking Dead but I spend each episode under the covers with my fingers in my ears, and any nerdy history/military documentary that comes on.

magazines: I am still weeping over the demise of Blueprint, Domino, and my favorite: Cottage Living. I am too bitter to pay any mind to this category.

Okay that's it, as jack is awake.

I will leave you with a fun link: The Jolly Porter's review of David Archuleta singing with the Mo Tab. It is hilarious. If you need any Mormon Lingo translation, I will be happy to provide.

Merry Christmas all!! Thanks for spending another year with me.

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLENE!! You are finally as old as I am now, so I don't feel so alone. At least for three months anyway.

Surprises

2010-12-18T20:46:00.005-05:00

Tonight we went to (what started out to be) the engagement party of my cousin, Adam. They rented a house down the road from us, so we walked down there promptly at five to join the celebration. White lights were strung through the trees in the back yard, a full moon rising, and those neat little tissue paper flowers in the trees. We talked and laughed, and then my Aunt Heidi asked us to all take a seat. We did, Louis Armstrong came on, and then....Adam and three friends came out in a tux, shortly to be followed by his fiancee Tiffany, in her white dress. What a wonderful surprise!! She looked lovely, the air was electrified with happiness and love, all of us teary as my Aunt married them under the trees (this is Florida, so we can still do that in December!). I think that perhaps I was more emotional at this wedding because it caught me by surprise. We had such a lovely time, and Emma was thrilled when her cousin Sara gave her her bridesmaid bouquet. It was a simple and relaxed wedding, much like the happy couple.

Then when I came home, I got another surprise, this one not so happy. I realized my zipper was down the whole time. Yay me!!
**************
Christmas is coming! Are you ready? I am almost there. Except for Laura. I do not know what to get this child. I am still thinking. I also feel a little bad for Emma, since every single one of her friends are getting an iTouch for Christmas. We just don't have the money. But as my friend Mandy reminded me, you don't always get what you want for Christmas. My present I didn't get? A Cabbage Patch doll. Remember those? Ugh. Now I think that one worked out for the best.

I am at peace, though. Truly. Two years ago we had a Christmas where my girls got three gifts each. Gary did not have a job, we had no money. They got very inexpensive gifts. I was bracing for their disapointment. It didn't come. That caused me to do a lot of thinking. I am really simplifying this story, but the point is I think we as adults often project our own insecurities and needs onto our children, giving them more than they need or trying to make everything perfect.

What would have been perfect? To create a zipper that doesn't fall down in public.

WHAT a big help

2010-12-10T20:28:00.004-05:00

I moved my table decorations from the table to the stairs so I could dust. Then I turned my back.

I thought I heard something behind me......

He is super fast.

Take that, Santa

2010-12-08T22:48:00.005-05:00

Jack only cares about the lollipops.

I totally hate Santa. Did I ever tell you that? He totally gets on my nerves. Someone tell me why I scrimp and save all year long, stand in a line at four in the morning to get a DS, keep moving presents around to a new hiding spot every day or so in order to evade Emma, and some fat guy in a red suit gets all the credit for it? I don't think so. Yes, I guess I'm narcissistic. But at my house Santa brings ONE present and one present only so I can bask in all the credit. Oh, and Gary too. I guess. Although was he there beside me at 4 a.m. in Hell (otherwise known as Wal-Mart)? No, he was not. He was in bed.

This is not at all what I meant to type about. So don't worry, rant over.

This is what I meant to type about:

We went to our little city's holiday celebration. Should I have capitalized that? Whatever. Anyway, we went into the basement of the historical building (the only basement in Florida?) in order to have our children sit with the rather poor man's version of Santa. We have a small budget. Anyway, we stood in line, and I watched toddler after toddler cling to their parent so they didn't have to sit with the attention grabber. I mean Santa. When our time came, Jack scrambled up the stairs and onto the stage. He had no problem hopping onto Santa's lap for the picture. We had a bit of a problem getting him to actually LOOK at the camera instead of the box of lollipops on the floor next to him. Frankly, Jack could care less about big red fat guy or the camera. He just wanted the lollipop.

Finally, I took my shots, and as I began to carry him off the stage, he said as loudly as humanly possible: "BYE BYE SHESUS (Jesus) I YUV YOU!!" Then he blew him a kiss. Me: Jack that's not Jesus. That's Santa. Jack: SHESUS!! BYE!!! YUV YOU!!!

Jesus 1, Santa 0.

Although technically, for Jack it would seem like any guy with a beard could be Jesus.

I would also like to add that when I said "That's Santa," I said it in the same tone as Jerry Seinfeld when he would say "hellooo Newman." If you catch my drift.

Clearly I have unresolved issues about Santa, but that will have to be in another post cause Fringe is over and now I'm going to bed.
good night.

This month

2010-11-29T10:17:00.004-05:00

Look! Long sleeves! Finally!

I'll be honest, though. We still have the windows open!

Here's our latest:

1. Thanksgiving is over. It was good. I love a holiday where you just get together and be grateful and eat. No presents, no decorations, no stress.

2. My husband is telling me he wants another one. Yes, that kind of one. See, this is how genius he is. I can't even type the word. Before I was swooning in theory. But now that he is talking reality I am literally running from him when he walks in the room. Reverse psychology at its finest. Well played, Gary. Well played.

3. I have decided I am really going to get serious about raising my kids to be responsible. They are just too darn lazy when it comes to chores. I am going to Micheals today to try something like this, except instead of menus I'm going to do am/pm chore charts. Enough is enough.
Speaking of teaching them good things. We are going to sell our boat. I know, it's bittersweet. But now that we are getting back on our feet, we have no desire to have extra payments. We want to learn how to live within our means and teach our children to do the same. No more debt. No more extra stuff. I'll let you know how our project goes.

4. Time to get the Christmas stuff out! How do you feel about that? I'm feeling okay. I'm feeling optimistic.

5. Have you seen the deals on flights to Europe lately?!! I just saw a round trip to Paris for $419! If you have ever had a desire to go...now's the time. As long as it doesn't put you in debt!

6. I miss you all, my dear friends. I am grateful for you. Thanks for helping me to feel positive about myself. I love you all. Happy Thanksgiving.

How I Feel Today

2010-11-09T11:41:00.001-05:00

In which Jack discovers Halloween

2010-11-02T14:07:00.000-04:00

The rundown:

A cool witch (are we now into the "cool" costumes? ugh.) and a zombie 80s prom queen.

A puppy.

He does not have the point of Halloween yet. Right now he is just annoyed. Just wait for it Jack. Your little toddler self has no idea that your dreams are about to come true.

Trunk or Treat.
It was hot out there.
I started the night out taking Jack to one of the cars. I had him say "Tick oh teet." Then he got a piece of candy. By the time we got to the third car he had this look on his face like, So.... I walk to a car and they give me a piece of candy? And that's it? Seriously? I don't know what is going on, but my little toddler dreams have come true.

The night of the Wompey's family Halloween party. We have our witch and our cheerleader. Laura loves cheerleading.

Indiana Jones. Not sure if that is a tough look or a tired look. Also, I think there is some stubble or something missing, and those pants are rather ironed. So he is more like Preppy Indiana Jones.

A random Parisienne. Can you tell by the poodle? Should I have added a baguette? Or maybe a sense of style?

I think it's the high class wig that makes it. Oh to be Audrey Hepburn.

This was our Halloween dinner which consisted of some really gourmet food. Take that, Martha.
No one can top mummy dogs. Hours, people. It took me HOURS.

The girls made jack-o-lantern faces out of the cheese, but I forgot to take a picture before they melted into jack-o-blobs. Want to hear something sad? I NEVER buy American cheese slices, but my husband did for this (that's right, I will gladly throw him under the bus). We accidentally left the unwrapped slices outside by the grill. Overnight. The next morning they were uneaten. Untouched. Not by the raccoons, cats, bugs, nothing. And raccoons are brutal--they ripped in half a tupperware container I had left outside just to get to the food. So what does that tell you about Kraft American cheese? Yikes. I won't be eating it again.

Emma, before she eats the toxic American cheese.

Roy, "B" complete with his fake happy smile (darn you!), Gary, and Jenn. Don't they look soooo happy to eat my gourmet food? I'm the best.

Finishing the night with chocolate cake and ice cream. Jack LOVES this holiday. I have now moved into position 1 as the best parent ever. And all it took was a little sugar and toxic cheese. Your welcome, kids.

My Family Plans

2010-10-27T14:27:00.003-04:00

Okay, so here's what I'm thinking.

I would like to have another kid (Gary, why do you look like you are going to throw up? Wait, where are you going? The snippy doctor?) but I don't want to actually be pregnant again, and I don't want do the first year so it would be really great for me if someone could show up at my front door with a nice, non-ugly, well-behaved baby. It would go something like this:
door: ding dong
me: hello?
random person: Hi, here's a non-ugly, well-behaved baby. I found it lying around my house and it doesn't really work for me, and you look like a great mom, so here you go.
me: awesome! Thanks! Gary, where are you going?

I know you are wondering why I might want four kids. That would mean four expensive airplane seats and a lot of grandkids to fit in the house for Christmas in thirty-odd years. But let's face it, I don't really have a lot of talents besides the fact that I can play mercy with my toes. I can't really sing, I can write but not THAT well, I'm not that stylish, can't really craft, and the list goes on and on. But I am good at kids. Not perfect mom good (Lord knows that's a fact), but I genuinely enjoy it and I like having a lot of kids in the back of my car. I like that we take up a lot of sidewalk on family bike rides, I like when we all pile on my bed to read together or watch movies and eat popcorn. I like watching their different personalities emerge, and I like knowing they will always have each other. Plus, the forced manual labor force is not bad either.

When I put away my kids clothes they have grown out of, I mourn for each piece. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is sadly true. I have memories attached to each outfit, and I know that that part of their life as well as mine is over forever. I know they are a little less innocent, a little less childlike. And that's okay, I enjoy watching them take the world on and witnessing their new phases, but it's hard for me to say good-bye. I kiss each little dress or baby shoe and put it away in the bin (or send it on to Goodwill). Then I close the lid on that part of their life. Oh my gosh, that sentence was so horribly sad I may need to go get a whiff of Jack's latest poopy diaper to pull myself back into reality. Either that or eat some chocolate while crying to the end of Moulin Rouge.

So that's what I'm thinking today. Geez, that was depressing. Now to cheer up, let's watch a funny video of Jack trying to say fudgesicle.
(Other funny things he's saying lately:
ek-kew me (excuse me)
tha kiwi! (that's scary!)
PUP KIN! (pumpkin!)

Last night, Gary had a meeting in Orlando, and the kids were all crabby, and the house was destroyed so I threw them in the back of the car and we went to get a pumpkin and a treat. By the time I got everyone in, and I climbed in the front seat Jack was poking Emma's eyes out and Laura was crying about some drama or another so I turned around and said, "Okay people, here's the deal. We're all crabby and tired but now we are going to have fun. So clam up." And they did. See what I mean about being an amazing mom? Gosh, I'm good.

Anyway, we got our pumpkin at the patch, and then went to Books-a-million for their frozen hot chocolate, which I love. And I counted calories ALL DAY for that baby. I had a rice cake w/pb on it for brunch, and an apple and almonds for snack, and a salad for dinner. I EARNED that frozen hot chockey (as jack would say) and yes, it was worth it. So I'm standing at the counter to get out treat, and Jack is saying, "Book! Book!" and Emma and Laura are looking at the treats and two people sitting nearby are giving me dirty looks because my toddler is not whispering about his love for books, and I'm like, People, it's a bookstore, not a library. So suck it.
Then this old guy says the ultimate insult: "Wow, you have your hands full with those kids, don't you?" This is the rudest thing you can say to me, besides, "Guess you haven't lost your baby weight yet." Because what this phrase really means is: "Your kids are loud and you are not that great at keeping them disciplined." And trust me, I can discipline them. My kids are not THOSE kids who run around a store and break things because I beat them regularly to make sure of it. (I'm joking DCF, joking.) Anyway, I kind of stared at him and tried to smile while the angel on my shoulder reminded me that he meant no harm. It's a good thing that my frozen hot chocolate made it all worth it. And I was happy when Jack ecstatically exclaimed, "I CREEM!" when he got his milkshake. I hope his joy made them miserable.

Two

2010-10-19T19:20:00.007-04:00

What makes the perfect day?

A birthday shirt.

A balloon that cracked him up.

Three little friends (all girls, Jack would add) to help celebrate.

Later that evening, a Mimi to help give birthday kisses at a birthday dinner.

A fabulously ugly cake. But it tasted good, seriously. This is what happens when you don't get the lumps out of the frosting and then decide to throw his favorite candy--"meems"--on top.

A two-year-old digging in.
Told you it tasted good.
You were judging.

Getting a birthday song phone call from cousin Rebecca.

Miss Kymmie, the maker of the fabulous crocheted pumpkin hat.

One Grandpa, putting together his birthday present.

The debut ride.

Again, might I add that it tasted better than it looked.
***************************************************

Halloween is in 12 days. Rats. That means I am trying to figure out costumes for Gary and I. The theme this year for the annual family Halloween party we attend is, "movies." Last year, as you remember, was "eighties."

So what to do, what to do? Any ideas from you creative geniuses out there?

I already have the kids covered. No coordinating costumes as a family this year. My kids know their own minds this year, and it is not a unified one, that's for sure.
***************************

I forgot to add that I crack myself up. I dream of parties like this:

*source: HipHipHoorayblog.com

But my big decoration was a dollar store "Happy Birthday" banner that was still hanging on the wall from Emma's party at the end of July. Awesome, huh!! And yes, I finally took it down. Like a week ago.

This might make you laugh

2010-10-13T12:41:00.002-04:00

We are going camping this weekend starting tomorrow, so I just cannot get my act together to do a proper post. So here is something to waste time with that made me laugh. I was going to write, "THIS IS VERY FUNNY IT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH," but what if it doesn't? Isn't it best to have low expectations, really? Then if you laugh it will be a happy surprise. Yes, I am going to go with that. Have a great weekend!!

Funny video #1 here <------- I could not embed this sucker and am too lazy to keep trying so just click here, will ya?

Funny video #2:

Night at the Great Movie Ride

2010-09-29T22:03:00.001-04:00

This was done REALLY well. I worked at The Great Movie Ride at Hollywood Studios in Walt Disney World in the late 90s while in college. It was not always easy working here, but much better than working a mall job! The best part of the job was behind the scenes, having a lot of fun, pulling pranks, and being silly. Sometimes I miss it a lot. It was definitely a surreal experience to ride it twelve years later with kids in tow. Very, very surreal.

Jack's birthday is Friday. The big TWO! I have his birthday shirt all ready for him. TWO!!!

Stuck in the Middle

2010-09-23T23:03:00.005-04:00

This past week Laura had to turn in a photo timeline of her life so far. She needed photos of certain ages, and examples of things she's checked off on her life list. In searching for these pictures I came to the depressing conclusion that it's not our youngest who got stiffed on the pictures, it's our middle child. I was embarrassed that I don't have as much as the other two. Emma being the first and Jack being the last, I've got them covered. But poor Laura.....

The worst moment was when I needed a picture for her 6th birthday ( JUST LAST DECEMBER). I couldn't remember what we did, nor could I find any pictures of whatever it was. I asked everyone in our family what we did for her birthday. No one could remember. "Laura," I asked sheepishly, "what did we do for your birthday last year?"
She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, "I don't know," then ran off to play. Well, I thought, at least she doesn't seem too upset about it. I called my mother. She couldn't remember. I called my good friend Kymmie, and thank goodness SOMEONE on this planet remembers what we did. We went to an ice cream parlour with their family. And where are the pictures? On my old, dead computer. That doesn't work anymore (Insert commercial here for carbonite or mozy).

Feeling shame and remorse, I asked Laura where she wanted to go for her birthday this year (in December). "Do you want a party at home with your friends or something," I asked, willing to throw the biggest birthday bash ever to make up for the fact she's never had a birthday party before. "No," she replied. "I want to go to North Carolina and see snow."
"Laura, we can't go to North Carolina for your birthday, honey. It's too expensive and besides, it might not even be snowing then."
"I really want snow for my birthday, Mom. I want to make snow angels, snow men, snow women, snow things. Things with snow."
Then I remembered why we hadn't had birthday parties for her. She never wants them. She always picks the adventure over the party with friends. We've gone camping, had a day at Disney, seen a show. All at her request. I felt a little better.
But I sure wish I had the pictures to prove it.
I am resolved to do better.

I Am Not My Body

2010-09-10T13:59:00.003-04:00

A few months ago I watched the YouTube video of Stephanie Nielson. I knew about her blog before her accident, but really have kept tabs on her since she came out of her coma and embarked on the difficult path of resuming her life again. I don't know her personally, I will probably never meet her in this life, so it's a funny thing that I worry about her and feel anger when she reports how someone in the grocery store said something cruel to her about her burn scars. I marvel again at how we can connect with people and their hopes and dreams via the internet.

There is a phrase she uses at the beginning of this video, and I have been thinking about it for weeks. She says, "I am Stephanie Nielson, and I am not my body."

What does that mean for me? For each of us? As we get older our bodies wear down, we encounter accidents and diseases and illnesses which change the way we move or live or love. These can be physical or mental illnesses. At 36 years I have my own challenges, and I know there will be more. But I realize that I have been allowing these things to define me, to change the way I view myself and my worth. I will always have to be aware of my body and nutrition in order to stave off the depression and anxiety I have to constantly keep at bay. Like everyone else, I look in the mirror and start noticing changes creeping up; wrinkles, imperfections, changing skin texture, etc. I am embarrassed to tell you that I really started becoming frustrated and discouraged by this. I wish I could tell you that I did not seriously think about botox for a couple weeks, but I did. But I am determined not to make decisions out of fear or some bizarre need to try to look like I did ten years ago. I want to embrace what I have now, I don't want to look back when I'm 46 and say, "why didn't I appreciate what I had ten years ago?"

I am not my body. This has been going over and over again through my head. And I believe this. A body is a gift, a blessing, but it does not define my eternal potential or destiny. Only I have the power to overcome challenges and make the sincere best out of what I have. I think of Dennis Prager's thoughts on happiness as well.

I am determined to remember this phrase, which is not easy in a world that constantly bombards us with images of airbrushed perfection and desperate attempts at eternal youth.
I want my daughters to have this knowledge and confidence as well. This simple phrase has changed the way I look at myself in the mirror. Where before I might have frowned or picked out the things I felt needed changing, now I look in the mirror and see my body as a gift and a responsibility, but not the definition of me. I want to nurture it, provide it with good nutrition and wellness, but I will not treat the way I did before.

The song that plays in the background of the video is "It's all about your heart," by Mindy Gledhill. The last lines of the song say: "I loved you from the start. It's not about your scars. It's all about your heart." We all have scars, physical and mental. They do affect us, but how do they define us? I hope to be as brave as Stephanie in my personal journey.

By the way, if you register at www.mindygledhill.com, you will get a free download of the song.

Visit her blog, and see her story before and after the plane crash, including this post, which--as we say in the south-- "did my heart good."

the hugger

2010-09-09T20:59:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I think I could write my own seinfeld-esque show about the people in my life. I think Larry David had the right idea. One storyline would be based on this person I know at church. She unfortunately is a hugger. Oh man, it gives me the chills just typing it. Anytime she comes withing a five-foot radius she is hugging all over me. And she's just so dang happy to see me. And not just a light nice-to-see-you hug. No, these hugs are full-on, squeezy, rub-backy hugs. Ugh. And I am not a hugger. Help me.

I am not saying I'm not loving or nice or anything. And I think I am affectionate as well. But my hugs are sincere, and if I hug you, I really mean it or I haven't seen you in ten years or your dog just got hit by a car or you're my child. That's pretty much it. Not every stinkin' time I see you.

I really, really like my personal space. It's in my DNA. At the Marshall family reunions we would kind of sort of get our shoulders close and pat on the back. That was as close to a hug as we ever came. And truly, we loved each other. But just don't hug us please.

So now when I see this person heading down my hall I will turn around and jump in the nearest doorway. Isn't that pathetic? Is there something wrong with me? I'm wondering if anyone else is like that out there or if it's just me. It makes me wonder what little quirks people have.

Laying Low

2010-09-08T18:10:00.000-04:00

Jack and I are under the weather. So I will post our Labor Day pics tomorrow.

Here is a quick list of things we've been thinking about lately:

Right now I am reading Mockingjay, The Red Queen (probably another Phillipa Gregory disappointment, but I keep going back for more), and The Dead Travel Fast in honor of the upcoming scary season. It's not as quite as delicious as her Lady Julia Grey books, but I am still a fan of Deanna Raybourn. Just not the new covers Mira designed. They are like a gunne sax fashion nightmare dressed up as a bodice ripper. A shame, because the books are so good. They went from this to this.

Emma is reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. She is just about to start the Gregor the Overlander series. Laura is reading Judy Moody and the Arthur books, which makes me want to take a trip to the Boston Children's Museum to see the Arthur exhibit. They have also pulled out the Halloween/Fall book box and are having fun with scary stories. Jack likes Baby Is Tired, The Runaway Bunny, and The Big Red Barn.

My kids are IN LOVE with this tv show: Unnatural History on Cartoon Network. I like it because for once it's a show where the kids are intelligent and the show is quick and funny. I am pretty picky about what they watch...I don't even let them watch iCarly or Hannah Montana. So finally there is something I can get on board with.

I am watching pretty much nothing. I want to be watching Modern Family, which everyone has raved about, but it's not at the library, we don't have a video rental store anymore, and you can't watch it online so, so far I'm out of luck. On abc.com it SAYS you can watch it online for free, but this is a LIE as they only show two-minute clips. And I want to watch it from the beginning since I just think that's the way it should be. I did just get the first season of Arrested Development from a friend, so that's good. Other than that, it's just Wiggles around the clock since it makes Jack happy. He dances and yells NUMMY NUMMY when they sing "yummy yummy." And while we're talking about it, I hate the new guy that replaced Greg. When you watch A LOT of the wiggles, it really gives you a chance to analyze and obsess. I've decided that when Greg sang to the kids, he was sincere. Sam is like a musical theater performer, just putting on a show. He does not deserve to wear the yellow shirt.

Moving on. I really like Downeast Basics, and I really love the prices. They have cute stuff for girls, too. I have my eye on the Best Friends dress for the girls. I am waiting for it to go on sale.

As far as the food in my life goes, I just checked out my first Jamie Oliver cookbook from the library. I really love the library.

Okay, have I bored you enough? Alright, then. I am going to eat and go to bed. I don't feel so good.

abandoned

2010-09-01T22:33:00.003-04:00

Gary is in Las Vegas for a week A WHOLE WEEK on a business trip. It is very rude and selfish. Do you feel sorry for me yet? You should. Parenting alone is no fun. For the first couple days when he was gone I read a book and watched movies that only I want to watch and it was kind of delicious. But now it is just quiet and lonely.

Gary likes the time zone in Nevada for his trading purposes and is entertaining the thought of moving (as if). So he keeps sending me emails of him in front of the Hoover Dam, or a pack of desert-y animals or something else he deems magical and I write him back with one line: I am not moving.

I mean really, can you imagine me, a tropical flower, wilting in the brown and dreary desert? Away from my beloved ocean? Let me tell you, people would miss me all hot in my suit on the beach.

I think not.

I got lonely today and hauled Jack to Michael's craft store to look for some Halloweeny/Fall-y decorations. I spent the last of the grocery account there. Should have remembered that because later when we went to eat Chinese food (Oh Charlene I'm missing that Indian buffet) the nice lady at the pay-for-your-food counter said in her thick accent, "D'its crying." And I thought, maybe that is an Asian joke, you know, like you spent so much the machine is crying. And she looked at me expectantly and again said, "D'its crying." And I looked back at her and nodded my head. And then OH! I get it. The card is not crying it's DECLINED!! So at least instead of being embarrassed I began to laugh my head off as I pulled out a different card.

Yum yum inspiration

2010-08-31T15:27:00.003-04:00

* all pictures from "Another Lunch."

I am really in love with my new favorite lunch site, Another Lunch.

I make my children's lunch every day and I go through phases: I love it or I hate it.

The biggest bane to lunch makers everywhere is variety and presentation. You can't eat pb&j every day of the school year (unless you were Laura in pre-k).

Many moms lately are purchasing items like Goodbyns and Laptop Lunchboxes. Not only do they increase presentation and allow the kids to see everything in front of them, but they get rid of waste like zip-loc bags and are also BPA-free and environmentally safe.

Oh, and these are also great lunchboxes for adults to take to work as well.

I am ordering some today and will let you know how they go.

Poor Jesus

2010-08-30T20:16:00.002-04:00

Okay, so out on the web there are several gathering places for Mormons. Conservative Mormons, Liberal Mormons, Writing Women Mormons, Feminist Mormons, Smarter-Than-You Mormons, Average Mormons...you get the point.

Anyway...this one left me laughing so hard. The comments are the best.

Thursday Afternoon Spiritual Artwork Poll at BCC.

(when you read it you'll get my title for this post.)

The Book I Am Not Reading Right Now

2010-08-25T22:52:00.005-04:00

and I am full of bitterness about it. I have absolutely devoured this series, and been in some serious anticipation of this latest book. I pre-ordered the book from Amazon, and waited. And waited. Then found out they screwed up my order and shipped it late, then found out that if you don't order Amazon Prime you are punished by having your book take the slow boat to China before it comes to your house. So EVERYONE I know is reading this book, I am walking by it in the stores and using every ounce of self-discipline I have accumulated in this life of mine to not open it up. Meanwhile, the shipping/tracking link says it should be here by the thirtieth. Do you feel the least bit sorry for me yet? WHY NOT?!

Now that I have whined and wallowed, I need to go to bed. This first week of school is killing me. I am so tired. Go ahead and tell me you loved the book; but don't tell me anything about it!!! And if you haven't read it yet, what are you waiting for?! Go! Go get it! Right now!

In Memory of Summer

2010-08-23T22:40:00.009-04:00

With a heavy heart we announce the passing of Summer 2010. It had a good life. We spent it's last week doing the things we loved most:

watching the Wiggles

spending time with cousins

going to the beach in the evening after Daddy got off work

swimming at the pool

sweating to death at Disney World at 1:30 in the morning.

Yes, that is a little bit of a glistening shine on our brows, but we make it look good. Right?
Seriously, right? (That is Emma's finger in the picture.) (Yes, I know I am not using parentheses correctly. Leave me alone.)

spending time together

losing first teeth, even when Mother begged her not to.

With his departure, we awoke at the crack of dawn today (a rather rude awakening) to don new, ironed (this is a big deal for me), sharp uniforms, shoes, messenger bags (we are too cool for backpacks this year), accessories, water bottles, and lunches.

This year the fashion theme was polka-dots:

you can't tell from this picture, but the shoes, hair accessories, and Emma's bag were a la polka dots.

After we waded through a TORRENTIAL RAIN STORM, here is Laura in front of her FIRST GRADE class.

Emma in front of her FIFTH GRADE classroom. This is her last year in elementary school. My heart can't take it.

Laura getting off the bus.

This was supposed to be Emma getting off the bus, but a Random Child stepped in front of my camera and ruined the moment. Thanks, Random Child.

Tonight, I am going to bed exhausted. I made the Requisite Nourishing Dinner, made lunches, cleaned, did laundry, signed all forms, laid out school clothes, packed the bags, and now I am looking upon my work and calling it good. Happy First Day of School. I think I only teared up once. And I am not sure if that was from me, or the torrential rain storm splashing into my contacts. I'll never tell.

2010-08-13T18:25:00.002-04:00

Jack, Mommy's in a bad mood. Let's make mad faces. That's not very mad. Come on, pretend like you can't afford botox.

Ok, forget it.

Come on, Laura, wallow with me. Be mad. The world may be your oyster, but guess what? Oysters are gross.

I'm in a crabby mood. I don't know if it's because it's Friday the 13th or because school is starting or because it's a bad time of month if you know what i'm sayin and I think you do, or I because I stayed up late watching a show about the Navy Seals training on the Military Channel. I don't know how I found it but it was awesome. And every time they did their thousandth push up I hurt for them while I laid there in my nice, cushy bed.

I am so crabby. Today I am dumping any blogs where the mom is a little too happy or cute or perfect. Also some of these really tacky craft blogs. Seriously, is it just me, or who would put a huge wooden die (as in dice) on their coffee table just because somebody did it on a blog? Or this other blog where this girl transformed a shirt into something so awful my friend Mandy actually called me on the phone about it and we laughed so hard. Now I'm just being mean, but the point is I think there is such pressure to perform on blogs, you know, to be super crafty or creative or super mom and how can anyone live up to that? I stopped trying a looooong time ago, people. I mean, Lord knows I'm not crafty for crap but just be yourself, I guess, stop trying so hard. You've either got it or you don't, and I know I don't so there's no pressure there.

Then, I saved up enough money to take a writing class at the non-credit division of the community college. I know what you're thinking: from this blog honey, I would not waste the time. I know, I know, but I don't really try here, or proofread, I just kind of try to keep the flying milk bottles away from my computer and that's about as good as it gets. Anyway, I look at the schedule and there are two piddly writing classes, as opposed to last semester's six. And they are bland, and not even taught by an author. I am so disappointed. Also disappeared? The French 2 class I wanted to take. I really wanted to do something for myself and now I don't know what to do.

So as you can tell, I am now officially wallowing in self-pity and crabbiness. And really, this is the kind of post where I should probably give it a day before I hit "publish," but I'm going to just let it rip anyway. After all, there are these children who vaguely look like me circling my table asking for crazy things like food and attention. Children are so egocentric. It's so rude.

As soon as Gary gets here, we are going to go get something to eat, then I'm going to go to Target and buy a bike. Then maybe I'll get a basket to put small dogs in and let the "Wicked Witch from the West" music accompany me.

belated birthday post

2010-08-11T21:14:00.004-04:00

So our little Emma is now big Emma...she is ten. For her birthday she decided she wanted to get her ears pierced. The only holdout was Daddy. He just felt like it symbolized her growing up and was not dealing well with it. So I reminded him that we promised her that she could make the choice when she was old enough to handle taking care of her ears and choose for herself. He reluctantly agreed. But we did not get out the door without a serious Daddy/Daughter talk. He talked to her about how this was her first choice she was making when it came to her body and how to treat it. He gave her good advice about always thinking first and being responsible and making wise choices. I think I might have even seen a tear in his eye. Maybe.

Big hugs (aren't good fathers a powerful and wonderful thing?).

So Emma and I set off on her birthday for Mommy/Daughter day--just us. First stop was the ear piercing. She got a little nervous. I told her she could do it if she wanted to, or not do it if she didn't. It was okay to back out.

In THE CHAIR.

They give you a teddy bear to hold. I almost ruined the moment by wondering aloud how many germs were on it. I managed to keep my trap shut, though.

I insisted we go when there could be two workers to do both ears at the same time. By the way, it's much less scary than when I had it done decades ago.

Here it is! My baby has big girl earrings!

We had a lovely afternoon shopping and talking and she was so excited to eat lunch with me at Starbucks. We shared a calorific drink (non-coffee, what kind of mom do you think I am??)

That night we met up with our family and went out to eat. She chose the restaurant--Carrabba's. For some reason, she thinks this is a super fancy and grown-up place to eat.

Here they are singing to her.

I was very upset because they were out of their chocolate dessert. Seriously, what the crap?

Emma and her spoils.
She got a bookstore gift card, so we headed over there with Aunt Jennifer. Daddy and Jack went home.

We each looked at books we were interested in. Emma chose Ella Enchanted, The Lightning Thief, and The Meanest Doll in the World.

I chose a book with a naked guy on the front, of course. He will make all my dreams come true and take away all my sadness. "The Cat," me-ow.

My sister is already swooning.

Happy Birthday, Emma!
And she is still taking good care of her ears!

summer love

2010-08-06T23:18:00.008-04:00

Dear August,
I have previously resented you as you represent the end of summer, fun, vacation, sleeping in, lazy days, and adventure. However, this year I am determined to love you for who you are. There are two weeks left until school starts, and we are going to
LIVE. THEM. UP.

Today was a perfect example.

What could be better than
playing in the hose and eating watermelon nekkie?

Later, we went to the beach with good friends.

the babies

saying good-bye to our mermaid friend
before the sun goes down.

Summer in Florida means spending the entire day
in your bathing suit

(or your birthday suit).

the remains of the day

2010-08-05T22:14:00.002-04:00

It is 10:37 pm.
I am wrapping up my day.
My hair is everywhere, my makeup sweat off long ago. I am tired.
We went to the playground/water-play area in Sarasota. It was a lovely day, and we had a great time. Jack went up and down and up and down and up and down the stairs. What is it about stairs that is so fascinating to the toddler set?

I can hear Gary in his office, typing away, getting ready for the next day.

I am thinking I need to remember to write in my journal funny things about Jack, before he moves on and we forget. No matter how much you think you will remember, you will forget.
I want to write how he yells, "I TUMMING" whenever I tell him to come here or come on. How he will stop what he is doing to toddle over and kiss me or lay his head in my lap. How he looks at me with adoration in his eyes, sometimes before he smears messy hands on my face. I need to remember how he arches his back and screams if you DARE to cut his food. I'm serious, he feels he is a big boy. If I am going to cut his toast or chicken I have to do it before he comes in the room or he is personally offended. I remember how we played monster tonight and I followed him around on my hands and knees and Oh My Goodness my 36-year-old wrists and knees DID NOT appreciate the game like Jack did. I really love this age of his. He is just so full of love and joy. Unless you try to cut his food.

Today I was thinking I need to be a better mother, and then Emma wrapped her arms around me and said, "Oh Mommy, you are the best mommy ever. I just love you." And I think, what did I do to deserve that kind of love? I guess I will take it now because in three years she will be horror-of-all-horrors a teenager.

Laura did not kiss or wrap her arms around me because she is going through a stage. A stage is a very nice PC way of saying she is being a pain lately. It's not really that bad, but she is feeling her boundaries a bit. We'll just leave it at that.

Now I will head to the kitchen and do my last of the day tidy. Get the dishes in the machine, think about food for tomorrow, and pick up the family room floor. I have this phobia that the fire dept will come in the middle of the night and think, "Wow this place is a mess" and we can't have that.

Then I will crawl into bed, read a few minutes of "The Tenant of Wildfell Hall," and then I will turn out the lights, stare out the window and wish it was a full moon. I will hope I did the best I could today, and try to do better tomorrow.

Good night.

2010-08-04T23:18:00.002-04:00

We drove to the Disney gates to meet some family. It was hot. Our cheeks were red, our clothes sticking to us, ready to melt in the August heat. Why were we out in a bazillion degree weather? Good question. I really don't know.

So we moved the party to the fountains at Downtown Disney.

Jack seemed to have a knack for staying dry. He weaved in and out of the water streams, barely a drop touching him. He would look down the holes and leave before the water shot out.

But his luck did not last for long. When he was first blasted with water, he seemed almost shocked. He looked at me like, "FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, WHAT JUST HAPPENED??"

They had a great time.

Until it was time to go home and they complained they were too cold to bear life anymore. So like the sweet mom I am, I told them to suck it up and remember the poor Florida pioneers who didn't have Disney fountains. Then they asked if I would buy them a Disney sweatshirt. I told them for $50 heck no.

I am the best mom ever.

Jack, giving us a preview of his gut in thirty years.

Jane Austen's Fight Club

2010-08-03T23:26:00.002-04:00

I know I'm not doing a very good job of posting...but it's SUMMER for pete's sake.
Enjoy this in the meantime...it's awesome.

(p.s. forgive me for moderating comments, but I'm currently ravingly popular with the Asian porn linkers)

Double Digits

2010-07-26T10:56:00.002-04:00

Today, ten years ago, Emma Elizabeth was born.
Emma because we liked it, Elizabeth for a long line of strong, amazing women in my family.

The summer she was born was a tough one. Within three months, both my grandfathers were diagnosed with terminal cancer and had passed away painfully and terribly. The day we buried my last grandfather, we found out my mother had breast cancer. Within two weeks she had had a radical mastectomy and was facing long rounds of chemo. I would sit in the hospital with her while I was (seriously) humongously pregnant. Humongously is not actually a word, but it is definitely how I felt. The day Emma was born my mom sat next to my bed, still with drains attached to her body. And we rejoiced.

Babies are wonderful. Babies heal.

Emma, what a joy you have been to me. You have helped me to reach places in my soul I didn't know I had. I was terrified to become a parent. Terrified I didn't have what it took or I would screw you up. But it has been a wonderful journey.

Emma wants to get her ears pierced today for her birthday. I am completely surprised that I am having a hard time with it. Why in the world, I thought, would this be such a big deal? I think I am realizing it is because it symbolizes some sort of rite-of-passage, a big growing-up-thing. I am afraid she will get up from the ear-piercing chair and look like a tween. There are lots of times I wish I could slow down her childhood. But I can't. So I am trying to enjoy every moment I can.

Emma, I am far from a perfect parent and there are lots of things I am always working on. But I can tell you this much: you are loved.

Emma at three

Happy tenth birthday.

Buckethead.

2010-07-20T21:52:00.004-04:00

Do you remember the movie Parenthood from 1989? Do you remember the scene where one brother (Rick Moranis) is bragging about his brilliant toddler daughter and showing off how she learned the periodic table from flashcards? And then Steve Martin's toddler son comes around the corner with a bucket over his head and keeps ramming it into the wall over and over again?

So which kid do you think mine would be?

He's actually knocking on the side of the bucket here.

Another new discovery: we've had to learn to be very careful before we take out the trash. I am wondering how many things we lost before we realized this.

Today I actually watched him try to put a plastic zip-loc over his head. I guess those warnings on the plastic bags were created because of kids like Jack. Okay, so he's not getting off to a great start but I am going to totally rub it in your face when he gets into MIT. Maybe he'll be studying plastics or something.

In which I wax poetic about Star Wars

2010-07-16T20:53:00.008-04:00

...and passing the torch on to my children.

(was that a dramatic enough opening for you? You gotta head into the weekend with a bang!)

Tonight was that hallowed institution known far and wide as family movie night. That means take out, ice cream sundaes, and popcorn with m&ms inside. I practically count calories all week in preparation for it.

Anyway, our big movie tonight was Star Wars. Oh yes, THE one, THE only Star Wars. My kids were fascinated by it. Emma loved it, Laura was a little bit scared but liked Princess Leia (it's the hair. Those side buns get 'em every time). And really, it's such a great family movie. No bad words, and not too much violence. Just scary enough to be fun but not scary enough to send you to therapy.

As an adult, I can pick apart little details like the weird glass bars on the bad empire people's uniforms. But as a child, I thought it was magical. I first saw the movie in elementary school when we lived in Tallahassee. We would play "Star Wars" for hours outside. It probably won't be much of a surprise when I tell you that I ALWAYS had to be Princess Leia. The other girls could be Chewbacca or whatever. My brother was Darth Vader for Halloween and my mom handmade his costume, including the little box with the buttons and lights on the front.

There plenty of cheesebally moments, but there are some great things too. The Imperial British accents, Harrison Ford being so scruffily good-looking even in the seventies, Princess Leia's earnest "You can't do that! We are a peaceful planet, we don't even have weapons!" and the way her boobs jiggle everywhere while she runs down the hall (I just read in her book that G.L. wouldn't let her wear a bra because they didn't have bras in that galaxy). And Alec Guinness is probably the only one to deliver every corny line perfectly. I love this movie!

I was also thinking tonight that what really makes the movie is the soundtrack. When Luke stands under the moon and looks out over the desert while the music swells, you can almost imagine your 18-year-old self in a similar moment of soul searching. Ah, deep thoughts. Thank you Star Wars. And James Earl Jones for your awesome voice.

Keeping with the theme, here's a video of a NYC improv troop boarding a subway in their Star Wars costumes for the fun of it. My favorite part is Princess Leia's book.

I mean, how cool would it be to be in a movie that is loved like that!

Watch here in and have fun!

Big Plans

2010-07-15T22:08:00.007-04:00

This is me. I have the restless vibe again. So I cut my hair to my chin. Then I decided to rearrange my tables, etc., cause I'm unhappy with my dining room and porch and need to change it up. You know what I'm sayin. It happens to us all.
....so what to do, what to do......

This is not such a great pic. The room is still a mess and everything's thrown about But you get the point. This is the former dining room table booted to the porch. It makes the porch seem a little bigger, and I feel like the 100-year-old table is a little safer from Jack. That's a vintage tablecloth from the 50s and I lubs it.

This art/plaque thingy was my great-grandmother's. I put it up after we cleaned her things out because it made me think of her. But now I realize it's dark and dank and kind of ugly (the story goes her husband gave it to her for their anniversary and she didn't much like it either) so I'm going to take it down, so INTERNET WHAT DO I PUT IN IT'S PLACE?? It has to be something cheap, cause I po'.

This is my former porch table, now moved to the D.R. I like it here. And it lightens up the dark furniture. I don't think I'm keeping those pads on the chairs.

This is another pic coming down. Belongs to the lady who owns the house so I left it there. But I hate it...it's not me, so I'm getting a spine and taking it down. So here's another blank wall.
Ideas??? Links??? Free internet stuff??? Anyone??

Well, now my brain hurts from thinking about it all day, so to give us all a break, here's Jack climbing up the fridge:

North Carolina '10

2010-07-14T12:36:00.008-04:00

I miss vacation already. No cell service, no tv, no internet access. It was awesome.
New Yorkers have the Berkshires, Floridians have North Carolina.

Not sure if anyone on the planet would like to see our barrage of vacation pics...but here you go.

Fourth of July in Highlands, NC

Racoon Jack hanging on a branch

Monkey Jack climbing on the railing

Feeding the fish at the lake. They were like little piranhas.

Highlands, NC

Looking for bugs with their new bug kits

Jack's Back! (side)

2010-07-13T01:54:00.006-04:00

We are home again, home again (jiggity jig).

Just arrived from a loooong and arduous drive home after our vacation in North Carolina. I can barely but a coherent sentence together (if you can't tell).

I will post tomorrow. Butt until then, here's this to tide you over:

What can I say, he's a wild man.

Must take after me.

*and charlene I think I edited that link below successfully (and finally!).

2010-06-21T21:34:00.006-04:00

Today I am posting the link to my cousin's blog. I hope she doesn't mind. They live in Utah, but she is staying by herself with her kids for the summer in West Palm Beach as her son Carter goes through a series of surgeries and physical therapy to correct a leg deformity (yikes--major run-on sentence!). We love their family, and we love Carter. Emma asks about him almost every day, or will tell me something "super funny" he said the last time they were together.

Jamie's family has been through the worst trying to battle their insurance company to pay for this "cosmetic" surgery. Now they are trying to pay for the living expenses at home and here, and find enough money for her husband to visit every now and then.

I am blessed to have a wonderful family with some pretty fabulous women. Jamie is one of them, even if she is way more tan than me (the one from Florida!!) and looks pretty fabulous in a bathing suit!

Please take a minute to visit Carter's site Maybe someone out there might know of someone who can help. You never know!
Photo courtesy of Jamie's blog.

Feeling Blue

2010-06-15T20:18:00.006-04:00

*image courtesy of MarthaStewart.com

Last Saturday we went to a U-pick farm in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE and picked blueberries. I was super excited about this, as they were offering them at $1 pound and they are usually $5.00 a pint in the store--more if you want organic. I love blueberries, so we trucked out there, lathered up in sunscreen, donned hats and tried to avoid ants as we picked. And it was a lot of fun, even in the Florida heat. We ended up picking sixteen pounds! We proudly loaded them up in the back of the car and headed home. We stopped at a really awesome store/farm in Myakka City, and bought fresh farm vegetables, the girls picked some more strawberries, and I bought homemade preserves and sunflower butter. We just felt so darn farmy! I could pretend for a moment if I stared out at the cow fields that we were country folk, fitting in with the rest of the good ol' country "yes ma'am-ers" (when did I become a ma'am?), living a more simple and honest life.

The fun kind of ended though when it came time to prepare those sixteen pounds of blueberries. Remember the story of the Little Red Hen? That was apropos here as when it came time to do the work the rest of my family scattered to the far ends of the house (I don't really know if that's the right way to use apropos, but I just reeeaaally wanted to use it somewhere).

For the last three days, I have been cleaning, sorting, de-stemming (THE WORST), drying, and freezing sixteen pounds of blueberries. On the second day my mind went numb and my back froze. By the third day I realized like Lady MacBeth, I was never going to get these damn spots (blueberry stains) out of my permanently dyed nailbeds and cuticles. I hide my hands whenever I go anywhere. I really felt for women before us, who canned jar after jar of vegetables and dried meats for the long winters ahead.

When I was tempted with the idea of just throwing the dang things down the trash I let images of pies, cobblers, crisps, parfaits, buckles, pancakes, muffins, etc., dance in my head. The work will be worth it. And hopefully will give me the ability to smirk at the high cost in the grocery store when I walk by.

I was finally done this evening, and then scrubbed purple out of the counters, dishes, and floor. And off Jack's face.

They will be good frozen for about a year. Which is good, because I think it might take me about a month to be able to even look at a blueberry again. Or get the stains off my fingers.

2010-06-12T22:47:00.004-04:00

If I were in Salt Lake City, I would definitely go see this:
www.iamjanefoundation.org/

You lucky Utahns. I also have to add that I love Margaret Blair Young (the author of this play and the creator of documentaries on African Americans in the LDS church). She's not afraid to show what so many people are afraid of: true history. The past can be beautiful and it can be ugly. Too many people today, in my opinion, want to pretty history up so we feel better about ourselves. But then, we lose the opportunity to learn from mistakes.

2010-06-11T22:12:00.003-04:00

My husband just left Target with three items in his cart: a new car seat, tampons, and condoms. You supply the joke. Your welcome.

(And if my mom reads this: sorry.)

There will be no vampires around here tonight.

2010-06-09T17:56:00.004-04:00

Yes, that is my Mac underneath Jack.
This is what happens when you are focusing more on garlic than your child.

Today was the last day of school. Tomorrow, we can sleep in and eat a leisurely (or is that leh-zure-ly?) breakfast. Then we will head to the ever-so-Magic Kingdom to catch the summer parade and fireworks before our passes head into the blackout dates for the summer.

After talking with a good friend of mine, I have decided that I am not eating any sugar, breads, dairy (except for a bit of butter) for about a month, until we leave for vacation. My body is just dragging. I have been craving sugary carby things for months, I have hives, and sores in my mouth (ew! gag! TMI!). All signs of being too sugary/yeasty. This has happened to me before and I cut all sugary/yeasty foods out and was able to heal. I am a protein kind of girl so I kind of enjoy it actually-- AFTER THE FIRST WEEK OF HELL.

That's right, I have hit the sugar withdrawal mode. And it is ugly. All I want to do is tear open the pantry and pour chocolate chips down my throat chased by cookies, dark chocolate granola bars and the homemade oreo cookies I baked the other day. I have visions of chocolate cakes dancing before my eyes. Oh boy, I've got to change the subject.

So anyway, for dinner I made tilapia with lots of olive oil and garlic. I mean LOTS of garlic. Have I ever mentioned that I could like marry garlic and have little garlic salt children?? I love it. Not only did I cook the fish with garlic in the pan, but then I put fresh slices in a bowl with olive oil and let them marinate together for a good while. Since I don't have any bread to dip it in (which is the BEST) I poured the whole thing over my fish and broccoli. It was truly heavenly, people, but now I am fire-breathing garlic. My family will not come within three feet of me. I am planning on eating more tomorrow and letting it really build up in my system. I want it to just ooze out of my pores. Oh yeah. I finally found the secret to getting everyone to leave me alone for a few cotton-pickin' minutes.

Go Atlantis!

2010-05-14T20:25:00.003-04:00

Today, along with thousands of other people, we were able to see the space shuttle Atlantis lift off on it's last mission. It was fabulous.

It took us hours to get there. What is normally about a two and a half hour drive for us took four + hours. It was absolute bumper to bumper traffic as people near and far struggled to get near Cape Canaveral before launch time. On 528, we never went over ten miles an hour. Oh, and by the way, there are absolutely, positively no bathrooms in between I4 and Titusville. None. I stood in line at the first gas station we came to. A LONG line with lots of people and lots of accents and languages. Awesome. And I just want to say that the men took longer than the women in the bathroom. I will have you know that since I am a mom, I can be in and out in sixty seconds flat--and that includes washing my hands.

Halfway there the radio told us that the astronauts were being secured inside the shuttle. I couldn't help but picture them strapped in, their manliness slightly diminished due to their astronaut diapers.

We finally arrived to the approach of Kennedy Space Center with ten minutes to spare. Traffic just...stopped...in the middle of the road, and everyone got out of their cars and left them in the middle of the road. Gary put Laura on top of the car; I carried Jack on my hip. We realized the video camera was dead (!!) and pulled out my small camera. We got lucky: on the right was the Astronaut Hall of Fame. They were having a major event--selling tickets to a huge crowd so they could watch from their roof. We benefited from this by way of being able to view their HUMONGOUS screen which was playing the TV coverage. On the screen we could see Atlantis sitting on the launch pad, on our left, the view to the actual launch area at Cape Canaveral.

Five minutes. They played the national anthem. Thousands of us put our hands on our hearts and sang along, trying to remember whatever words we could. The "rocket's red glare" seemed quite apropos.

Three minutes to go. The energy built, excitement bubbled over from adults and children alike. The commentators on the radio and TV told us all the things being initiated...oxygen systems-go, etc. etc.

Finally, the countdown began, and in unison we shouted the last ten seconds.....FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE...the screen on the right showed the engines bursting with flames. On our left we strained to see the shuttle liftoff...and there it was!!! It was absolutely beautiful. Everyone cheered and yelled, and Jack, not knowing exactly what was going on, clapped and yelled YAYYYY!

I cannot even describe to you how amazing it is. It is one of the most beautiful, powerful, exciting things I've ever seen.

After about ten seconds the sound caught up with us. The initial launch is absolutely quiet. But then the ground began to rumble and this tremendous noise washed over and enveloped us. Everyone yelled again. I really felt like a little kid, it was such an awesome experience. We watched the boosters drop off, and strained to see the bright white light of the shuttle engine for as long as possible. Finally, it was gone, only the trail of smoke left, and the commentators telling us that the shuttle was beyond the point of return for our continent. In case of a problem, they would attempt to land in Spain.

We all cheered again, then climbed back in our cars, turned on the blessed air conditioning, and began the slow crawl back to our coast.

I have found myself really sad about the ending of this shuttle program. Thinking about it, I realize that growing up in Florida, the shuttles almost seem like friends. They are such a part of our lives. Every few months we run out to our yards and docks and watch it lift up over our heads, a bright shining star zooming across the sky (never straight up). Occasionally when it returns to earth a sonic boom hits so hard it shakes our windows and moves our furniture. The last one happened in the middle of the night when Gary was out of town and Jack a few months old. It knocked Emma out of her bed and I was sure the Tropicana plant had exploded or a plane crashed or something dramatic before it dawned on me what it was.

As a youth I took field trips to Kennedy Space Center. My science teacher had a model of the shuttle on her desk. We were so excited about space travel then.

When I was in sixth grade Challenger exploded. It was still such a new, exciting program that we watched it on television in class. When the shuttle exploded we were stunned...we all went outside our classrooms and looked up in the sky. Above our heads was the trail of smoke with the tell-tale billowing cloud in the middle. I was sad, but still young enough that I didn't really understand the tragedy of it. My first clue was my mom coming to pick me up after school in our big, old, white van. I remember her parking next to the band room, the heavy door squeaking as I climbed in, her face streaked with tears.

As my children have grown we have had fun running outside to see the shuttle go over our roof. They especially appreciate it when it gets them out of bed-- "Go! Go! Hurry! Run, run it's coming, hurry!" I really want my children to have a shot at seeing the real thing, in person, as close as you can get. Emma was not able to come today, so we are planning a go (with the rest of the world) in September. This time we want to do it by boat.

We were in the car eight hours today for a three minute launch. We could have driven to Atlanta in that time.

And yes, it was totally worth it.

I am going to bed. I'm exhausted. Tomorrow I will link to my video of it.

gary's bday

2010-05-12T21:45:00.004-04:00

whether we like it or not, care or not, we are getting older. gary is heading into the forties faster than I am, and the latest milestone for him this month. 39. hang on to your thirties for twelve more months, baby!

for his bday we went to c'est la vie in sarasota and gorged ourselves on french food. jack enjoyed himself as well. we made sure to take home a bag full of pastries. we sat outside and listened to the french language.

then i went home and sang a french lullaby "Fais Do Do" (I like the Lisa Loeb version) to jack as i rocked him before his nap. I will say to jack, "Fais do do?" And he will shake his head NO! (It means "go to sleep." Other favorite songs to sing (look them up on itunes) "Thanks a Lot" by Raffi, and "A la Claire Fontaine." I also catch myself singing songs from Peter Pan and Mary Poppins. Now someone tell me how this post went from gary's bday to lullaby recommendations. Ah, that's what happens when your brain is broken.

anyway, I would post links to the songs, but I don't know how.

also, hoping to see the shuttle launch friday (only three left!) in cape caneveral so when you see it lift off you can think of me. or the astronauts. or what you're going to have for dinner. whatever works.

oh boy.

2010-05-11T16:29:00.006-04:00

Well my friends, sorry I have not posted in a bit. I have an appt. with my doctor next Tuesday as I have a sneaking suspicion my thyroid needs to be readjusted. My body has slowed down to what feels like a dead stop and now I can feel the clouds of depression moving in. I have been down this road enough times to know it is what it is. The fortunate thing is that I've learned to listen to my body and what it is trying to tell me, so I made my appointment as soon as I put the clues together. So hopefully next week or so I will be back to whatever shade of normal I am. Right now I am trying to focus my small amount of energy on the things that I absolutely have to do, like a. brushing my teeth, and b. making sure my kids stay alive. That's pretty much it. Today all my energy went to work, so I came home and Jack and I laid on the floor and watched The Wiggles and ate chocolate chip cookies for lunch.

In the meantime, here are some pics of Jack's past couple days.

wrestling with Daddy.

Snuggling with sister.

Skateboarding.

Rappelling up the side of my dirty fridge.

Well, now you know I am fulfilling my promise to keep to reality blogging, anyway.

Back from Vacation...

2010-04-27T18:50:00.003-04:00

...and back to laundry. I mean, reality.

Here are pictures from our first day at Disney....Magic Kingdom, to be exact.

Waiting for Rope Drop and the little opening ceremony with our good friends. I will add that this is the ONLY day we made it to a park open.

Still waiting. Me talking, as usual. Gary texting, as usual. My kids patiently and obediently waiting, as usual. Good one!

Still Waiting. Gary still texting. I am listening to my friend. Knowing me, I am being ~~judgmental and catty~~ caring and supportive.

Finally! It's Mickey!Later...

Playing hide-n-seek on Tom Sawyer's Island.

Finally, I don't have to drive. Here I am passing my superior driving skills on to Emma, but without the intense soccer mom road rage.

A picture of the picture of Laura's FIRST Space Mountain ride. It is a very big rite of passage to be tall enough for a roller coaster. If you can click on the picture and make it bigger, Laura's face is priceless.

2010-04-12T16:23:00.003-04:00

So today has been slow.

Jack is fighting a cold and was up ALL NIGHT LONG. He was in bed with us most of the night, which sounds romantic but is really horrible because he's a total bed hog who kicks you in the face and pushes you off your side of the bed. He cried and cried and I rocked him and walked with him and it felt like having a newborn again. Which is not a memory I would like to revisit right now.

So I am tired today. I feel like I am one evolutionary step above a slug. And it's a small step.

Anyway, so at one point this morning I just wanted to totally sit in front of my computer and veg and let the drool run out of one side of my mouth and neglect my child for just three minutes IS THAT SO WRONG? Yes, apparently it is.

Somehow the thought penetrated into my brain sloooowly and with difficulty that it was really quiet. The bad kind of quiet, not the good kind where everyone is in bed and you are having time for yourself. I wasn't too worried since I have all my gates up and cabinet locks on and all that jazz, but I looked around the corner and my super fabulous husband left the bathroom door open after he did his biz, so sure enough, there is Jack, up to his elbows in the toilet. He is shredding toilet paper that he threw in to play with and splashing all over the place, happy as a clam.

I hollered in a really grossed out way and he looked up at me with a quizzical look that was like, "What, is this not okay?" I carried him away from my body up the stairs and tossed his behind in the tub.

At least afterward I got to rock him to sleep, with his baby body smelling so good and lavender-y. I love nuzzling my nose in his hair and kissing his eyelids as he drifts off. I have to do this now, because he's a boy, so it won't be long and he won't let me do that anymore.

Then I came downstairs intending to do all my chores but I was soooo tired that I made homemade salsa instead and ate Dove chocolates. What, is that not okay?

Jack, not in the toilet.

Oy.

2010-04-07T18:35:00.008-04:00

What happens when you're not paying attention to your child like you should be.

I am seriously behind on posting. I got hired for a job that I can do from home (and yes, I am still working at the preschool two mornings a week). It seemed like a dang fantastic idea at the time but now I am quite overwhelmed. I have mountains of files around me and tons of info to enter into the computer. Occasionally I look up from my typing and sorting to see the neglected laundry and crumbs on the carpet and overflowing toy bin and feel discouraged, but I'm not sure how to fit it all in. After shooing Jack away several times today so I could work (yes, I sent my Mom-of-the-Year crown back), I called my new boss and said I can't do this if there is this much work. But thankfully, it will only be like this for a week or two. Unfortunately I am stepping into someone's left-behind mess, and as soon as I enter this paperwork it will be easy to keep up with and only about an hour's work a day, which can easily be done when Jack is sleeping. Sheesh.

Speaking of Jack, I was thinking today about so many people have these super clever, cutesy fake names for their kids on their blogs. I do not. I can't think of anything clever to name them, and if it were a bad point in the day they might easily be called "Hardhead," "Laziest Child on the Planet," "Stink of the Month," or "Screamy McPhee."

Plus, even I know that some unscrupulous person could find the information anyway. I mean, I read Twilight, people. Remember Bad Vampire Girl went down to the school office and found the file and information even though they tried to keep Bella's whereabouts a secret and we all know what that led to. Three more books and a bad first movie (but several good parodies, I must say). What better example could there be?

Okay, back to my paperwork.

Spring Break!

2010-03-30T22:25:00.006-04:00

Sorry I am not posting more often this week, we are on Spring Break!
(yippee!)

I dressed the crew up in Easter finery since next Sunday (actual Easter) is General Conference at church. I love General Conference...and so does my tummy...but that's a whole 'nother post.

I'm kind of mad though, that I forgot to take a picture of Gary and I. Oh well.

Laura
(after fighting about how to do her hair, what socks, what shoes, if she was going to brush her teeth)

Emma
(after fighting about nothing because she's so easy going)
(I really should have taken a picture of her standing because it looked like a dress out of the 50s)

the boy in the bow-tie
(with a bruise on his cheek from face-planting it while toddling around)
(you do not want to know how many verses of "wheels on the bus" it took to get that shirt and bow-tie on him)

the girls

all together

photo shoot is now over.

finally, thinks jack, I can get pull my shirt out and get comfortable. especially since I have done my absolute best in ruining my mom's perfect faux hawk.

the end.

tomorrow we are going to the beach! hooray!
oh yeah, my legs are still winter white. small hooray.

Getting ready for Easter!

2010-03-26T12:11:00.003-04:00

One of my favorite things in the whole world is dressing my kids up for Easter and Christmas. I am a Southern girl, so this is BIG STUFF down here. Bows and hats and gloves and lacy socks. With Gary's job troubles last year, I was very thankful for older cousins that pass down gorgeous frilly dresses in perfect condition. I would also like to give a big shout out to Target, for making the necessary Easter accoutrement at affordable prices.

I am also, of course, getting used to holidays with boys. Boys are not as easy to find cute things for (and I suspect as he gets older he'll be kicking his feet against my need for everything adorable), so I was happy to find a link on cjane's site to a great Etsy shop. I found this:

How cute is this!! I can't wait to use it. I am going to spike his hair in a faux hawk and slap this puppy on for good measure. Isn't it nice when they're too small to say "Ohhh Moooom?"

Tha dishwasha took mah bay-bee

2010-03-23T19:37:00.006-04:00

(instead of dingo? get it? nevermind.)

Another post on why I can't get anything done.

dropping a dish on the floor

Yo Yos

2010-03-22T22:58:00.003-04:00

I am on the yo yo bandwagon, thanks to Charlene. Why? THEY'RE EASY! The perfect craft for lazy people-- like me!!! Go, lazy moms!!!

Oh, and by the way, without me knowing Laura put her shirt w/ yoyos in the washing machine...quelle horreur! I pulled it out of the washing machine with trepidation...only to find they were fine. So good news: they can be washed!

And here is my new cool water bottle. After my sad experience with security at the Boston Airport, Charlene sent me another one. Cute, huh?

Good Things

2010-03-19T10:50:00.006-04:00

This year we really kicked it up for St. Patrick's Day. I made corned beef and cabbage, and thanks to Publix we had Irish Soda Bread. This bread looks kind of scary but it's actually really sweet and good.

We also came home from the bus stop to find that a leprechaun had visited our house and made some serious mischief. He turned over chairs, dumped spices out of the lazy susan, etc. etc. Laura had a leprechaun visit her classroom as well. She thought maybe her teachers were really the leprechaun. But when she walked into our house, she said, "I guess they really are real! Wow!"
The girls got their bit o' green to wear from Kymmie, who crocheted them shamrock headbands.

But look! What's this? Another leprechaun mess? Destroying a BRAND NEW box of crackers?

Or could it be a mouse? One who systematically puts its tiny teeth into the plastic and rips and pulls until it explodes? Or maybe a vampire? A really HOT vampire?

No such luck! It's this little mischief maker right here! Jack, who knows right where we keep the food and loves to tear through plastic bags to get to it. Isn't that suuuuper fantastic???
(like the onesie? Charlene guided me through making it! It looked so cute on him, then he pooped on it so now it's in the wash. Of course I probably did not need to include that juicy little morsel of info, but oh well! Publish Post!)

Today.

2010-03-16T19:21:00.002-04:00

Today, I

--ate too much pizza
--listened to more of Laura's plans for when I'm dead. Tonight she wants to know if she can keep living in this house.
--danced with the girls to Mamma Mia instead of cleaning. This is a big deal, because I tend to push them off when I need to get something done. You know, "hold on, I'm making dinner; Hold on, I'm loading the dishwasher; Hold on, I've got to finish folding this laundry; Hold on, I've got to make a call." I decide to just dance for a bit. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
--solved a problem with drama.
Laura: " MOMMY! EMMA ATE FIVE STRAWBERRIES AND I HAD TWO AND NOW THERE IS ONLY ONE LEFT!"
Me: " " NOOOOOOOO IT CAN'T BE! TELL ME IT ISN'T TRUE! NOT THE STRAAAWWBERRIES (as I am rolling on the floor in pain) THE BLUEBERRIES OKAY, BUT NOOOOOOT THE STRAWWWBERRIESSSSSSS! NOOOOOOOOO!" They looked at me like I was insane. And then laughed. And then finished off the strawberry. Problem solved.

2010-03-15T20:35:00.003-04:00

Laura: I don't want to ever get married, mama.
Me: Ok, you can live with me forever.
Laura: What if you're dead?
Me: Well, I guess I just won't ever die.
Laura: (after a moment) What if you're really old?
Me: Well, you can just change my old people diapers.
Laura: Ew.
Me: I changed your diapers, I think it's only fair that you change mine.
Laura: No way, I will never do that.
Me: Guess the whole deal's off, then.

Hold on kids, I'm trying to blog

2010-03-15T18:51:00.002-04:00

Wow, lots of ire of MommyBloggers lately. I know that we are seen as the lowest of the low, but here are a couple points of view lately after the NYT article on it.

Here is the first.

Another good one.

Hope you had a great weekend!

A conversation with myself (yes, I have these a lot)

2010-03-11T14:16:00.005-05:00

Me: I want another baby. They're so cute and cuddly and smell good.

Me: What the mother flipping crap are you thinking? Do you remember the last time you went to the bathroom alone or showered for longer than 3 minutes or had a clean house or a mattress free of spit-up?

Me: But then I would have four. A nice even number.

Me: Get a dog. That makes four, too.

Me: But I'm a Mormon. Aren't Mormons supposed to have a buttload of kids?

Me: Mormons are stupid. You'll never be able to afford to get back to France at this rate.

Me: There's always France at Epcot.

Me: Are you on crack? Seriously? Besides Disney for six people is expensive.

Me: True. But I can't bear to put my baby things away for good. They're so tiny and sweet, and I love them. I can't not ever use my sweet baby blankets anymore.

Me: Think of Jack. He's got one year left in diapers and that's it. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY YOU'RE ALMOST AT THE FINISH LINE.

Me: No more itsy bitsy spider. No more Raffi. No more lavender baby soap.

Me: No more car seats! No more milk stains all over the side of your car door! No more broken remotes and ground in cheerios! NO MORE DIAPERS! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME WOMAN?

Me: Jack is so cute.

Me: So is FREEDOM! And might I add, Jack was the literal definition of hell the first year.

Me: Okay, you've got me on that one. But you do have big boobs when you're pregnant.

Me: True.

Me: So, okay?

Me: HECK NO.

Me: Damn.